Hi all. I guess this is where I tell you my story. Briefly... Before coming here I was reading random articles online about determining sexuality, etc. Before that I was watching TV on the couch thinking about my female friend and how I would have liked to sleep with her in her bed last night rather than crashing on her couch. Stuff like that confuses me (i, too, am female). In times of confusion I start search for answers, labels (hence the Googling). But I got to say I've been getting kind of sick of it. So I shut down the websites and I texted my friend the truth...well kind of. More of a half truth but I still consider it progress. And that's how I find myself here. I have never been great with people. I spent a considerable portion of my younger years isolated due to a combination of social anxiety and depression. It's taken a long time but I've gotten myself together for the most part. But I feel like I kind of missed the boat on a lot of the typical relationship experiences. Regardless, I always felt different. I always faked it when girls around me chatted about the boys they had crushes on. It's not that I've never been attracted to men but I never felt that spark of something else - curiosity, intrigue. Whether that means I'm gay or I am afraid of the intimacy possible with men I don't know. But what I do know is I'm tired of feeling like I need to have the answers. I'm tired of feeling like I need to conjure up some acceptable identity. I just want to find someone who likes some of the things I like, who I can have fun with, who I am drawn to, who will listen to me when I need rank about little life stressors.... man, woman, whatever. But I also know there's still work to be done. I need to learn to accept the side of myself that is attracted to women in some way. I've never been keen on stepping outside the bounds of what I feel is socially acceptable. And I grew up learning that anything beyond heterosexual romantic relationships are not normal. Despite the fact that I am an adult now and think it's absurd for people to judge others on the basis of who they love, some things run deeper than my opinions. I've got a bit of a road ahead of me, I see that. But I've got to start somewhere... So here I am. Hello
