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Re-introducing myself (after a little while)

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by confuseddreamer, Jun 6, 2016.

  1. confuseddreamer

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    Hi everyone
    Sorry I have been so quiet for so long now. A lot has changed in my life since I was last here properly. For those of you that do not know me, my name is David, and I am in the UK. As those of you that know me, I am bi-sexual, but was married to my lovely wife. I’m afraid that three months ago, I lost her on Friday, 26th February, when she passed away. She hadn’t been well for a while, but never could I imagined what was going to happen. It has been a heck of a shock, as we were married 26 years, and my life now has completely changed.
    For a couple of years now, I have had a couple of very good friends. They are a gay couple (not on EC (as far as I know)). Over the last three months, they have been so kind and caring to me, and to be totally honest, have bought be back from the brink. I’m now going up there to where they live fortnightly (at weekends), and for longer stays when I can. They like very much having me there with them. It is somewhere very special. You can sense immediately, it’s a very loving and peaceful house. They have looked after me so well, and I also sleep much better than I had been doing anywhere else. They allowed me to live a normal life there, helping me to feel human again, and to regain a bit of self-respect. I am also going to be spending Christmas there this year too. It will be a different, and in a way, difficult year for me, but I know that there, I will be in a very loving environment.
    To be honest, as I say, I’m bi-sexual (with my marriage and love I had for my wife being absolutely unquestioned) – However, now, I do wonder if I am more (noticeably more) gay than straight. It isn’t my two friends that has made me feel this way, but the kindness and the way they accepted me and allowed me to live, that has made me think and wonder about this. There is sadly no way I can tell my mum this, as she is elderly, and because of previous events in her life, would not accept it, and I think finding out her only surviving soon is bi-sexual/gay would be catastrophic. But, I do have to be myself, and accept who I am.
    I am trying my best to adapt to my new life as best I can, but feel it will take time. Despite my unquestioned love and commitment I had for my wife, and the fact that I miss her so terribly much, and the fact I’m very messed up and confused (and this is the first time I’ve ever said this (even to myself)), but I do wonder if, rather than a bi-sexual man, I am in fact a gay man, who is only just really realising this. One of my two friends I see, does think the next relationship I have, will be with a man.
    Only time will tell about how my life turns, and at the moment, I really don’t know how this will be. I just need to be myself. I am now returning and re-introducing myself here, as I do believe it is a good and supportive place for me. I thank you also for your friendship and kindness everyone here showed towards me before. It meant a lot. I certainly need it now. (*hug*)
     
  2. confuseddreamer

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    :icon_sad: Is anyone there?
     
  3. YuriBunny

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    Hello~! ^.^
     
  4. HM03

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    Welcome back to EC! I'm sorry for your loss :frowning2:
     
  5. ScaryClosets

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  6. confuseddreamer

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    Thank you so much. It's nice to be back. I'm just rather messed up and confused, and need re-assurance.
     
  7. Vytas17

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    I'm sorry to hear about your wife buddy, can't begin to imagine what you're going through. Hope you figure out who you really are and I wish you luck on that path to finding yourself (*hug*)
     
  8. Snoww

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    Welcome back! My condolences for the passing of your wife :c
     
  9. confuseddreamer

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    Thank you. I'm very confused right now, and it's good to have kind caring friends here.
     
  10. Andrew99

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    Welcome back!
     
  11. Hawk

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    Welcome back, David. I'm so sorry for your loss. :icon_sad:
     
  12. Just Call Me Ky

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    I'm very sorry that you lost someone so close to you. I am pretty new to EC myself but I am glad to have the opportunity to meet you. We are all going through something and we can all lean on each other. I wish you the best and I hope you stay well through this difficult time. Sending you lots of love. -Ky
     
  13. alexandr

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    Welcome back to the forum! :slight_smile:
     
  14. confuseddreamer

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    Hi Ky, and welcome along to EC. It is great to meet you too, and I am about to sends you a friend request. First thing first – my name is David by the way. I was on EC earlier this year, and late last year, but then, with all that happened, had to take an enforced break. I’m now sort of starting again on here. As I say, I’ve known for some time now (a couple of years), that I’m bi-sexual, but now, I really do wonder if I am more (noticeably more) gay than actually straight or bi-sexual. Maybe, having been bi-sexual, the shock now of all that has happened recently, has “tipped me over the edge”? Two gay friends of mine, certainly bought me back from the brink – without question.

    Anyway, it’s brilliant meeting you, and I hope we will have plenty of opportunities to chat.
     
  15. HikaruStop

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    When you see this, I hope you are doing well. Sorry for your loss. She seemed like a nice person as well.