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Totally heartbroken and looking for guidance

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by Myheartinpieces, Jun 23, 2016.

  1. Myheartinpieces

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    My partner of 5 yrs and I recently split, after she cited that she just needs some time and space, and are currently in a place where we are living separately but sort of "dating" still. We share some expenses still, and mostly we just spend time going to eat, talking, watching movies, etc. I miss waking up in her arms every day, and I'm so happy when I'm with her, but sad again once I leave. She recently mentioned some issues she had with our sex life that help explain why she stopped being interested in sex with me. I never knew these things, I really want her to give me the chance to fix them, because I believe the other parts of our relationship are sound. I joined this site to talk about the issues she's had with our sexual relationship anonymously and get different perspectives on what's happening and how I could potentially fix it, because she is not able to talk about it with me very much yet and I'm driving myself nuts worrying about it.
     
  2. wolf of fire

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    Welcome to EC, I'm sorry about all that, feel free to send if you want to talk about anything.
     
  3. RavenTheRat

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    Hun, this forum gives the best advice around, so don't worry! No one will judge you here, you can talk about anything :slight_smile: It's very supportive here it's wonderful. I'm sorry you've been having so much trouble in your relationship, I really hope it gets better soon! <3
     
  4. alittlemore

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    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear about what you're going through, it must be really painful right now but hopefully it will get better. Try to take care of yourself as much as you can, it might help you work this out. I'm sorry if this is not great advice, but I'm really thinking of you and wishing you lots of strength (&&&)
     
  5. undi

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    Something similar happened in my last relationship, though I was on the girl's side.

    Now, I won't be able to give specific advice since I obviously don't know your girlfriend, and I'm not sure whether we're similar enough, but I'll try to explain what was running in my mind.

    My ex was a very physical person, he 'required' physical touch- these are all in his own words by the way. But for me... I'm not entirely sure. I like it sometimes, and at others I didn't really care. His constant talks and requirements became a bit overbearing sometimes for me though. I'd much rather relax and have no responsibilities.

    Sex though, wasn't really the driving factor of our break up. It was a small piece of the puzzle, but not that significant.

    If she didn't complain the moment something she didn't like in sex occurred, then that's on her. Don't beat yourself up for it. To me, sex is something that requires a lot of communication. Yes? No? Questions, facial and vocal expressions, body language. Etc.

    If the problem really lies there though... then it would probably be best to ask her to give you an estimate for how much time she needs to put together an explanation, so that you can start brainstorming on how to fix things. (In case you do ask her for an estimate on time, be sure to mention that you'll only ask this once/this will be the last time you ask. Pressuring her to talk about something she possibly can't even answer will just add unnecessary stress into your relationship.)

    Be open to the idea though, that sex might not even be the problem. She might not know what the problem is herself, so asking her outright "What's wrong with me" or "What's wrong with us" will definitely not help. Instead you should be asking "What do you want to do?" And tell her to be honest, take the time to think about it if she needs to.

    If she's a caring person, tell her not to be afraid to hurt you. If she's able to tell you what she really wants, then your relationship is probably fixable. (Communication plays a really big role in relationships.)

    I don't know if I've mention this already, but space and comfort is really important in times like these. You should ask what you want to, and tell them to think about it. Never pressure for an answer after.
     
  6. alexandr

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    Welcome to the forum! :slight_smile:

    You'll find plenty of support here!