Hi! I just 'graduated' from my freshman year and I was in denial of liking men since mid-way through 7th grade year, but just a few months ago I finally came to terms that I was gay and I felt relived. I only just recently came out too three friends that I know are very good at keeping secrets. And In the last month or so of school, when I realized that I was gay, I started to allow myself to look at guys at my school more and think of them out of school (not in the naughty way:lol. In the last week of school, the entire freshman class went on a cruise around the Seattle bay area, Long story short one of my best friends (who was dressed very handsomely for this special occasion) and I did the titanic thing at the front of the ship as a joke. This made me see him in a much different way because he held me very close with his groin to my butt and his arms around my waist. Even though it was not that significant, I couldn't stop thinking of that when I got home, and the next day (Saturday) I just longed for his touch all day. What I am trying to get at here is that, that event made me realize just how lonely I really am, I mean ive never even held another mans hand in an emotional way and only ever dated a girl for one week just to keep up appearances. Now that it is summer, I can't depend on going to school every day to have my friends keep me happy. Also me and my family are not close, like at all, at least with my cousins and aunt (i live with my cousins and mom and aunt). I feel extremely depresed all the time now and very VERY lonely. Even though ive never been a very physical or emotional person before, all I want is to cuddle with a mildly strong man all day and just watch tv with him, or do what ever but I just feel so lonely and all i want is a man to call mine.(*hug*) Plz help! I don't know what to do. (srry that this is so poorly written I am very tired):help:
You are still very very young, the feelings happen first, occasional depression, etc. Ton of feelings will flood your way, just take baby steps and don't be discouraged. I had more exploration of my gay feelings in college, but lived with a very closed family. I am actually looking right now for more friendships, and maybe a possible relationship. What advise I can give is to make sure you do your research, its easy to get lost out there in the world so its best to stay informed, and be safe. Stick with your friends who know you the best, and if they are true friends they will stick with you and help you along your journey of discovering who you are. Best advise I can give you at the moment. Don't rush it, stay strong!
If I may, I would suggest taking a moment. Breathe. And then contemplating what is really making you lonely.... While heaven knows I have been right where you have been, I think we all have to learn to be at peace with ourselves when we are alone. If you are suddenly think that I have not read your message or missed the point I promise you I have not. When we are truly alone, we have a chance to understand who we are, and who we want to become. We get to create a roadmap for our future selves, plotting out all the pieces of ourselves we want to explore. And when we come to affirm who we are, accept our flaws and can confidently make our way in the world,we can sometimes see that loneliness comes from being alienated from who we are. So don't rush to fill that void with another, but bravely face it, and understand it, because your together for a lifetime. One day the boy of your dreams is going to come and sweep you off your feet, but know who you are first, and be comfortable by yourself. Your first love affair, corny as it may be is always with yourself regardless of how good your Prince is on his feet. So breathe and explore and never feel alone. The world is with you Always.
I couldn't agree more with you! this time that i have had since I last posted this has been a break through for me, I have completely gotten over my depression and have been on the road to discovering more about myself and setting new goals. I have learned that no matter what kind of a relationship you are in, if you are not happy with the man in the mirror, you will never be truly happy with the relationship you have with anyone. So thank you and I would love to hear some more stories of your life and how you have learned to go past this and explore your self!
hey there, just saw this and wanted to say i'm in a similar situation as u, high school is never the most supportive time for coming out, lol, feel free to drop me a line anytime, never a need to feel lonely,
Amen to that pearl of wisdom. And also in mid teenage years, *everyone* - gay, bi, trans, whatever, AND hetero, goes through loneliness, identity questions (not just relating to sexuality), questions of self-worth, you name it, we all eventually experience it. So remember You Are Not Alone, many of your friends will be experiencing similar things, even if they dont talk about it. But getting it off your chest is the best thing to do. So well done posting here and Welcome.
Welcome to the forum! I'm in the Seattle area myself. ^_^ I'm sorry to read you're going through depression and loneliness. I feel the same a lot myself sometimes. I remember the hell of high school - figuring out myself, my sexuality, my dreams, goals, everything, and being overwhelmed with hormones and self-consciousness, as well as low self-esteem. It's a rough time and more than that, when you're going through it everything feels like 'now or never' and all you can think of is making what you feel like you want happen, no matter what and it tears you up inside when you can't. Just breathe through those moments as best as you can. Sometimes that's all you can do. I'm glad you found EC and I am positive you'll find the support you need here. Feel free to PM me anytime.
Hey! Welcome to EC. Glad you are not depressed anymore. Have fun here and maybe a few of the awesome people here can help keep you that way.(!)(!)(!)
