Hi! I am a 14 year old boy. And I am gay. I go to an all boys private school. So homophobia is literally everywhere I look. I struggle everyday with not only being bullied for my closeted sexuality, but also with my attraction to so many of my friends who I doubt will ever feel the same way about me. What should I do?
This is a very important subject. It has to do with your education, your future and your orientation. Most of private schools tend to have the same pros and cons. Pro number one is the value of the degree you'll get at the end. About the quality of the education, that depends on your views on 'education' are. Will they teach you to think for yourself? Will they develop you to your fullest potential? In any case most will agree that the degree is worth it on the kind of world we live in. I went both to Private and Public schools, and I was much happier on Public schools. They were more open minded, specially the teachers, and the experience could be even fun if you had the luck to meet a teacher who truly enjoyed what he or she did. My best maths teacher, an awesome lady, I found on a Public school. She encouraged me so much that I ended up being the best of my class, and I'm not even that good at math. The experience changed my views on the subject forever, and nowadays I'm not allergic to maths anymore. That is what a good teacher can do for you! On the other hand, while I'm at a job interview I tend to get impressed looks when they see I've been to XYZ. Some interviewers even smile with some kind of complicity I never understood. That I went there means to them somehow that 'I belong'. I hated those schools, and I would never send my kid to one of those. I want my kid to be happy and reach his fullest potential, not to become someone scared under pressure to become 'successful'. You should talk to your parents about spending a year at a Public school. Tell them you do want to know how it is. If they are open minded enough, they'll understand the argument that one truly educated man should have a good knowledge of all social classes, and not just dwell on his ivory tower with other 'chosen ones'. If you put it that way (if your eloquence manages to impress them), and if they are open minded enough you'll get a chance to get out of that school. You should focus on that, then you can move on to things like dealing with crushes, or coming out if it's your wish, and if you think you'll be safe.
Hello! Much like Michael, I've been in both private and state schools, both of good reputation, and the state school was far and away nicer to attend. I wouldn't go back to private school if you paid me, and I would only recommend it to those who really want to go into high flying education at top universities. Even then I would recommend it with a warning. I'm afraid that solving the problem of homophobia in private schools is practically impossible in the time that you might be there. I found the people at private school almost unbearable even without the rampant bigotry they revelled in, so my survival strategy devolved into not talking to anyone ever. Looking back this was not the best course of action, and talking to people outside of school or maybe getting help from a teacher or therapist within the school might have served me better. Do you know if your school has anyone who would be suitable to talk to about this? Someone like a therapist would be happy to talk to you about your problem. Michael's idea of maybe spending a year in a good state school is a good idea, and talking to your parents (if you know they won't be against your sexuality) is a good idea too. As for your peers, I'm afraid I don't have much to say. If there are people who noticeably don't join in with the homophobes, maybe try to find out if they're in a similar position. As for your attraction, I can't help there either. You can't help who you love. Just take it day by day and look forward to when you can be yourself. Good luck.
