Hi Everyone, I guess I should start by saying a bit about myself. This is the first time I've ever acknowledged my sexuality in any public way, so it's kind of a big step for me. I first realized I was gay as a freshman in high school, and really struggled with it all through high school. Although I went to an extremely liberal college I remained closeted through those four years as well. I've never talked about being gay with anyone. I'm 26 now, and currently about to move across the country to Los Angeles to pursue my dream of creating music for movies. I'm hoping I will be able to be more open to people about myself as I begin this new chapter of my life. I'm tired of feeling ashamed and guilty about my sexuality and that it's something I should hide from everyone. I'm so scared to come out though, especially to my mom and dad. They're not truly homophobic, especially when compared to other people, but I'm afraid telling them I'm gay will change the way they see me, and I don't want things to change between us because we have a great relationship. I'm trying so hard to work up the courage to come out to them. That's about where I am right now. I've wanted to post something like this for a while, and feel really great about finally doing it! Not gonna lie, my hand was slightly shaking as I submitted this thread - so nervous.
Hello, hello. Welcome to the club, took me 20 mins just to post a quick hello here, and probably an hour for my first actual post about myself and situation.
Hello and welcome to EC. It's good to have you here and you just did an amazing thing by coming out to all of us. Many of us are on the same journey as you, or we have been there, so don't feel scared because we're all in it together! I hope you will stick around, talk some more and ask for advice and support when you need it. We like to help. I'm pleased you have a good relationship with your parents, but can I make an observation? By hiding your sexuality from them and ignoring the elephant in the room you are actually limiting your relationship with them, rather than enhancing it, and in the process you are probably limiting your own life and happiness too. It's totally understandable that you should feel scared of telling your parents, but in many ways telling them (taking that risk) demonstrates your commitment to them and love for them. The new openness in your relationship with them will bring down the barriers of superficiality that currently exist - whether you are aware of them, or not. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? Sometimes, we get so worked up with the thought of losing that we miss the potential gains. Moving to LA might represent a fresh start, but what do you think you need to do to really make it happen... to make it work for you? How will you use the move to bring about change... to release you from tiredness of shame and guilt? Maybe you can talk around these questions with us on the wider forum. You can do this and we will be with you, if you stick around.
Hi Patrick, thanks a lot for your thoughts. Of course you're right, and I've thought the same thing myself - I often feel my sexuality is the elephant in the room because, though I tried to lie about it in college and made up a couple of stories, I've never ever had a girlfriend, and I don't know if my parents suspect I'm gay at this point. Whenever my mom brings up the subject of girls I change the subject or don't respond, so I may be giving myself away anyway. I almost don't care anymore. I honestly don't know what LA will bring. You bring up some huge questions, and I honestly don't know how to answer them yet. I basically don't want to have a repeat of college, when I basically led an asexual existence, which frustrated me because everyone else seemed so comfortable with who they were when I wasn't. I put on a happy face and made many acquaintances, but no close friends, and ultimately felt alone and isolated from my peers. I also ended up having a huge crush on my straight neighbor senior year which made me feel even more isolated, especially when he would bring girls over and I could hear them through the walls. Sometimes I think he even suspected how I felt about him because he would occasionally act strange around me, like he was uncomfortable around me. I just don't want to be consciously hiding part of myself anymore. I'll be posting to other forums soon. Again, thank you so much for your thoughts and questions.
