My entire life I suppressed every 'Gay' thought that popped into my brain. I would ignore it and try acting as straight as I knew how. Every day I was in fear that I would slip up and people would see me as a homosexual. Afraid in part because I thought I wouldn't find a woman to date/live with. I had a couple of girlfriends growing up and I always felt awkward around them. I didn’t understand how my friends could date so effortlessly while it always felt like there was some invisible barrier for me. High school was when I first seen a sign that I could have been gay. This only scared me into my suppression of any possible gay thoughts. Of course I still had those thoughts, but I always tried to ignore them and move on. Pretending to be straight was my everyday job and I think I did well, but I always felt as though I was putting on a ‘costume’. My life felt like a complete façade. Only recently did I come to the conclusion that I already knew secretly, that I am gay. I haven’t come out at all yet, but I am trying to feel comfortable, finally, with who I am.
That's the absolute first essential step. Whatever you do with the rest, self-acceptance is necessary for a base level of happiness. I can assure you that your story is shared by hundreds here.
Thank you for the comments I can see by reading through the forums my story is not much different than most. It still feels good to be able to finally come out and say it.
Welcome to EC. Your story may not seem any different, but in some respects it will be very different. No two people experience the coming out journey in precisely the same way and that's why it's important for you to have a place where you can share your thoughts and feelings and say how it's going... for you. I hope EC (Empty Closets) will prove to be such a place. It's not easy to get started after years of suppression and denial, but we can help and support you as you search for that chink of light and we can be here for you as you begin to tell people. We may not experience the journey in precisely the same way as you, but it's a journey we are all on... or we have been there. Good to have you on board and I hope you will stick around and join in. Don't be afraid to ask for help/support when you need it.
