Well, here goes nothing. Wow, it is extremely weird to be doing this. I can't believe I've gotten to this point. Some background to kick of this roller coaster story. I've struggled with depression for a few years now. It got really bad my junior/senior year of high school. It wasn't until the end of my freshman year of college it got to the point I needed help, and was put on medication. I was on it for almost a year until this past spring. Combined with the medicine, bad eating habits, and drinking a lot, I gained a significant amount of weight to the point I was so unhappy with myself. I weaned myself off the meds (without telling the doc). 4 months later my life has gone straight to hell, my anxiety is through the roof. I wake up every morning feeling like I can't breathe. My body feels like it is on overdrive all the time. Yay. (I have lost all of the weight and look smoking/feel so confident now, however. Can't win.) Anyways, coming off my meds has forced me to really be true and honest with myself. Dealing with everything has been crazy. You could say I'm in denial of not being straight. I'd say that is the best way to sum up everything. This past year in college, I met this amazing guy and we got serious right before summer started. I've never felt anything like it before. But now, I'm not so sure. I haven't seen him all summer. Now I'm worried that maybe I was lying to myself about him, and it wasn't real at all. I also feel like I can't pursue him because I do have these feelings/thoughts for girls. This summer has forced me to realize I am different and I can't run from my feelings. I am not straight, whatever that means. And I hate it. I always imagined growing up, marrying the guy of my dreams, etc. I've always been a little different and made fun of for it. So now this just adds a mixture to it. No, I've never dated a girl before. I have had fantasies and I do sometimes get nervous around them. Freshman year I did make out with my bestfriend (we were intoxicated) and it has haunted me ever since, because I did enjoy it. Also, I have never been in a serious relationship with a guy either. I have a really hard time accepting these feelings. Just typing this out was brutal. Guess I am just looking for advice, support, and everything in between.
Welcome to EC~ Oh dear that's some rough stuff you've been through. I hope you'll get better and better. I've passed this stage and been accepting myself more and more ever since, especially with the forum's support. You'll get through it too don't you dare give up or anything. You'll have a nice time on this forum, everyone is really nice and supportive and great! It's really nice to meet you ^^
Hi AlpineX01... Sounds like a hard journey that brought you here. I went through a lot of depression when I was in HS because of the same feelings for girls I didn't understand. I've dated guys but I've never slept with one... guys my age are idiots anyway. (No offence guys...). It took until a few months ago that I finally accepted I was bisexual and now my head's clear as a bell. Good luck on your journey. We're here for you!
