Hello. My name is Dante. I am a 16 year old from a midsized (2 million+) city. I am as deep in the closet as one can be. I am an athlete and go to an all guys school. I play the "straight boy" persona very well. My only sexual experiences have been with females, which I find enjoyable but not entirely satisfying. I am barely attracted to any females my own age, and am very attracted to males my own age. I personally identify as bisexual (but leaning towards gay), as I am attracted and enjoy straight pornography (although I tend to imagine myself as the woman), but mainly gay porn. I have no close friends I would come out to, and my parents are open-minded but would be disappointed. The thing about coming out is, I am quite well known within my community. Everyone knows who I am. The idea of friends, parents, family looking at me differently and talking behind my back breaks my heart. I want to wait until college to come out but I long to have a male sexual experience.
Hey Dante, Welcome to EC! You’ll find friends here with whom you can have frank and open discussions about your sexuality, etc. ---------- Post added 28th Aug 2016 at 12:00 AM ---------- Hey Dante, To follow up on the issues you brought up, I can associate with you from the standpoint that I am fairly athletic (I was in the US military) and straight-acting (which is a phrase I hate in the LGBTQ community, because I’m not ‘acting’, I’m just who I am and happen to be bisexual, with a very strong preference for men). If /when you come out, you have to do that at your own pace and on your own timeline. First, I think you have to be comfortable with your own sexuality because there will probably be people who challenge you when you come out (‘Are you SURE?’, ‘It’s just a phase,’ ‘Maybe you just need to be with a girl.’ ‘Why don’t we sign you up for some counseling?’ and you don’t need the distraction of second-guessing yourself. There is nothing wrong with you that needs to be fixed. You are the person you were born to be. Sounds like you have quite a solid platform to set an example in your community if/when you decide to come out. View that as a positive example to other LGBTQ people in your community who may uncertain about coming out and thus making their lives more uncomfortable or miserable that necessary. I know what you mean about your family. Family is the hardest to come out to. It’s hard enough to talk to parents about sex, let alone tell them that you are not heterosexual. In the moment that you come out, you are exposed, completely vulnerable, expressing extremely private/deeply personal information and are waiting for them to ‘render judgement’ by their reaction. O.K. maybe the reality isn’t quite that bad, but that’s how it feels at the time. Straight guys don’t ever have to tell their parents “hey mom and dad, I’m straight.” And if they did, it wouldn’t be anywhere near as traumatic as it is for us. How unfair is that? If you have a private internet connection (i.e. don’t have to worried about being spied on by family members), you might want to check out the ton of Coming Out videos on YouTube, if you haven’t already. They describe people coming out to friends and family members and there are even some ‘Live’ recording of people coming out. They can show you how people have approached the subject and reactions that individuals have received to their Coming Out announcements. Don’t be in a hurry to have a male sexual experience if you mean what I think you mean. Other than casual sex, which I personally think is a downside to the current gay scene, the true crux of a long-term male-male relationship (again in my view) is close affection (kissing, cuddling), working to understand and enjoy each other, then sex. You’re young. Please don’t confuse lust for someone sexually with a desire for a long-term relationship. Make your choices appropriately. If you were straight, would you rather just have sex with a girl or get to know her and maybe end up marrying her. Straight and gay relationships have some differences, but the basics of respect, love, and mutual understanding for a REAL relationship are universal. My 2cents. Stay strong and proud!
Quantum said it all already, being in an all boys school would probably be an uncomfortable place if you were to come out, girls can be mean but boys especially at that age can be down right evil and could make your life there miserable, I would say wait to come out until collage or at least when your out of highschool. You are young, you have plenty of time to find youself and explore your sexuality. Welcome to EC. (&&&)
