Hello Empty Closets, I am a genderfluid, pansexual chub. I've suffered for about 13 years with depression. I've felt homosexual urges for about 11 years, at first I just thought I was bisexual. Only in the last decade have I begun to experiment with men and enjoy it a lot. I am only fully out to a very limited number of people. Most wouldn't understand. Each step I take toward coming out I feel empowered but end up retracting a little. I have overwhelming fear that my depression will only get worse as a result. I don't want to lose the few people I have left and attract more negative attention. I don't feel like I have real friends because they're users and don't know the real me. I am married to a woman who I love, she knows the real me and says she accepts me. Sometimes I worry that she doesn't. She doesn't treat me the way she used to anymore. I am a very lonely person and my mind goes through cycles and fluctuates a lot. I don't really have a concrete identity. I try to be consistent but life changes me. I want to decide once and for all who I am and be my authentic self forever. But at the moment nothing feels right. I don't know where to go, what to do. Any advice would be amazing. I try to stay positive but find myself negative eventually. It's a struggle and very frustrating. I feel like nothing is worth the effort. I try to find things to look forward to but I only see pain. I've hurt so long I can't seem to experience anything else. Whenever I feel happy, it doesn't last, and I get disappointed. I've come to learn that wishful thinking leads to disappointment. I've come to learn that when things seem too good to be true, they are. I am here on this site to hopefully find some help, or at least meet like-minded people. Sorry for going on so long. Thanks in advance for you time, advice and replies. :bang: (&&&) :help: :smilewave
Hi and welcome to EC Have you tried to surround yourself with friends who understand you? Whenever I feel bad (not just then ) I write with my best friend and she always makes me smile again ^^ If friends don't work, I would try to get involved with an online community (EC ), this always helped me, especially people who suffer like you and have the same feelings like you. You feel less alone and depressed ^^ I hope you can find these things here Welcome
Well welcome aboard. Am newer also but have found this to be a great site. You'll meet a ton of friendly people here who you can feel free to open up to. You're not alone in this.
