Hello all, I'm new to the forum. I'm a 29 year old closeted gay man who has only recently admitted to himself that he's gay (and not merely going through a really long homoerotic phase!). Problem is, I belong to a very conservative church (which I love and generally agree with on most theological issues) and I have been preparing for ordination to the ministry of this church for several years (almost a decade, about 1/3 of my life). This church believes that homosexuality is inherently disordered, that homogenital acts are always sinful, and that gay men should probably not be ordained but that if they do slip through the cracks they ought to be completely celibate, quiet about their identity, and accept the church's repressive policy towards gays and lesbians. As I said, I am with my church on most issues, but I believe its position on homosexuality to be misinformed and cruel. I always assumed I'd be celibate (a lifestyle which, following my church, I regard very highly) but given my "sexual awakening" over the past couple of years, I'm beginning to yearn for companionship and sexual contact. But following this yearning would place my church vocation in great danger. This is not just a "career choice" but a very deep sense of calling in my life, as much a part of who I am as I feel my sexual orientation to be. And so I'm terribly confused and conflicted. I wonder if anyone else here has had a similar conflict...
Hello, Welcome to EC! Although you have joined on a rather random day(what with all the EC fun going on) this is an awesome place. I hope that we are able to help you here.
Welcome! Its April Fools today so the website is being a little whacky. It's not always like this. lol You're not alone, many others have faced similar situations. I recommend going to the Support & Advice section and asking plenty of questions. Get them out of your system!
Hi there, and welcome to Emptyclosets. I'm glad you've found this site, and I hope that you find it helpful. Everyone here has a different story. I didn't determine my orientation until after I had married and had a couple of kids. Trying to deny it, and keep it a secret, and act on it behind my wife's back, was an incredibly unhealthy approach, and in fact developed into an addiction. I have actually met several church leaders in my addiction that did just what you are contemplating... ignoring, denying, or hiding their true orientation and entering the church anyway. And while I suppose some that I haven't met manage to successfully manage that life, the ones that I did meet failed. They developed addiction to help cope - because they forced their sexuality into 'the dark' and made it a 'secret'. It wasn't a healthy thing for them, any more than it's a healthy way for a 'lay' person. Does your religion allow hetrosexuals to marry? Or does it require celibacy for all ordained ministers? (If it isn't a double standard, then it shouldn't be any harder for you to be celibate than the straight ministers...) One thing I've learned in my recovery though is that you can't change the past, no matter how hard you try. So regardless of how much time you've already invested in preparing for ordination, if that's not right for you now, then don't do it. At the same time, I wouldn't rush into any decisions. Hang around here. I'm sure this may be the first time you've acknowledged to ANYONE that you are gay. It takes a while for it to sink in. And what you'll find here is a diverse group of people, reflecting the world's diversity, with at least one thing in common - we're not straight. It's a really neat family here. So welcome to the family! (And as a moderator here, I'm able to receive private messages even from new members. So if you have a need to chat one on one, just let me know!)
Hey welcome to EC! :smilewave I've got to say, it's an interesting situation you've got here. What denomination/religion are you a part of exactly? I come from a Catholic background so that's really all I'm qualified to talk about here.
Hi and welcome to EC! I'm glad you joined. As Jim mentioned take your time before making any decision. Hopefully we can help you a bit in moving forward.
Hey Ordinand and welcome. I sympathize with you -- I was raised strict evangelical protestant, and completely understand the sexuality/faith dichotomy. If you ever want to talk, I'm always looking for good interlocutors. I wish you the best on your road, and hope you can find acceptance and peace here.
Hey all, sorry for the extremely belated response! Holy Week and Easter sorta got in the way. Thanks for your kind and helpful messages. :smilewave Jim1454, you make a very important point about unhealthy secrecy about sexuality and how this can develop into addiction. This is precisely the sort of thing that worries me. I am in a situation where my state in life would be at fundamental odds with an outward expression of my sexuality with a boyfriend or partner. The question is, "Am I called, as a gay man, to celibacy?" I'd always assumed I'd be celibate, but that assumption was based on the idea that my sexuality was a sort of personality flaw, or a penchant I'd just have to give up in order to live a normal life in the clergy. I realize now that this is not a healthy understanding of my sexuality and its not a healthy approach to celibacy either. My tradition (the Orthodox Church) values celibacy a great deal but does not require it of clergy (there are married clergy). I agree with my tradition that celibacy is a high and wonderful calling, for those who are truly gifted with that calling. Question is, do I have this calling? This is something that I'm seriously discerning, and the answer to it, I think, will determine how I come out. At this point, I could picture myself as a celibacy gay man who is positive about his orientation, though cautious and discreet about exactly who I can be open with. Perhaps this is "hiding", I don't know. I'd be interested to hear if there are any members of this forum who are out to family and close friends but not to everyone (or to people who might be able to use this against you in some way), and what you think about this situation.
hi welcome to ec , pull up a chair we all here to listen to what ever you want to talk or rant about, join in the threads as much as you want again welcome
