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Bigender, genderqueer, genderfluid, demigirl, or simply confused?

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by KitSylph, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. KitSylph

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2016
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    106
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    Location:
    Burlington, VT
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Why is it that some of us take decades to figure out the most basic things about ourselves? It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I finally understood that 1) my girl side is part of my identity, not a kink, and 2) I'm bisexual. Was that so hard to understand? Now, in my forties, I'm trying to figure out how to integrate the boy side of me and the girl side. I suspect I'd be very happy with my gender if I were born as (or magically turned into) a girl, but having been born male, I find there's a lot of me that fits that, too.

    Anyway, although I realized I was bi about ten years ago, it wasn't too long after that I connected with the love of my life. Since I'm devoted to her, and since I didn't sow my oats with the boys before I met her, I have trouble seeing my bisexuality as legitimate. It's like I bought a ticket but never got it punch. Er, maybe that's not the best metaphor.

    Anyway, I've never tried to connect for support with all the other QUILTBAG people who have so much in common with me because I felt like I didn't completely qualify, since I'm living more or less like a straight, cisgender male. It's only this week that I'm realizing that even though I haven't tried and don't intend to try transitioning, and even though I don't dress up and go out, and even though I've made my home in the closet and only cracked the door open a little (I told person #3 yesterday), I'm actually trans, or genderqueer, or genderfluid, or bigender, or a demigirl, or something. I'm not straight. I'm not cisgender. I aspire to living more as the person I am rather than the partial person I generally am willing to show. I'm a little petrified. So I probably belong here.

    I was Googling "bigender" and found an old thread about us boy-girl types on this site, and I was amazed by how constructive and thoughtful and warm the discussion was. What a wonderful place this appears to be!

    Sorry I'm late to the party. Thanks for getting it started and leaving the door open for me.