Okay so, I don't know where to start. I've had really fucking bad dysphoria lately. I literally hate my body so much and I know that I can never change it to what I want. I mean, yeah, I can pay fucking millions of dollars to get surgery and pay for t, but that still won't make me cis. My chromosomes are fucking female chromosomes and I can never change that NEVER. I can't accept the fact that I'm trans. How the hell am I supposed to accept that my body literally ISN'T MINE. It's like a coffin, a death sentence, and honestly I've been thinking about suicide really often. I mean...FUCK.fuck. I can't fix this no matter what I do and it makes me so angry and depressed that I cut all over my chest and thighs and hips and basically everywhere you can imagine. I feel bad complaining about this, but I see cis guys and I know that's the life I'll never have. I'll never have an adam's apple, or an actual fucking penis. The best my body will ever be is a mutilated FEMALE'S. And I don't want that, I can barely stand it. No, fuck it, I can't stand it.
Fucking hell don't you dare kill yourself fam I know what that is like and it sucks balls, okay? But what you feel is what you feel and you can make yourself who you want to be. I know this kind of depression, I just went through it yesterday. You can't make a rash decision like this because of your body. I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm so, so fucking sorry.
Thank god. Okay, that's a step in the right direction. What helps when I'm depressed is getting absorbed into something. Is there anything you like to do a lot?
