Hello everyone! I am very excited to have joined such an accepting, supportive community, and Im very helpful that it will assist me with the hard task of coming out to my husband of 15 years. I am 39 and currently married with 4 teen children. Over the past year Ive been under the assumption that I was asexual, however, after examining my life,Ive come to the realization that Im actually gay...or at least asexual with gay tendencies, as Ive never been in a relationship with a woman (but love the idea of it). The past year has been very eye opening and its hard to fathom that Ive actually been VERY untruthful with myself and the world, essentially living a lie and im not too sure how much longer I can do it because Im miserable. In any case, Im trying to take baby steps because my husband is very homophobic and its not a conversation I look forward to. Ive hinted that Inshould just run away with my best friend, which I would, or that I would only cheat on him with her, just trying to get his reaction and he just makes comments such as "oh well I will just jump in with you " and I have no idea how to take that. In any case, I desperatly want to cut my hair but he is 1000% against it. Says if he wanted to marry a guy he would or that I look gay. Its so depressing and although Im tempted to do it anyway, I havent gotten up the nerve yet....which has me thinking, if I cant even do that how am I going to move forward at being authentic? In any case, its great to know I can make some friends here. Im hopeful and grateful for the kind thoughts and motuvation to be true to myself. Ive spent so much of my life doing everything for everyone but me and Im tired. Thanks so much for listening ---------- Post added 14th Jan 2017 at 10:06 PM ---------- Oh and just in case anyone wonders...those comments about running away with my friend are being made during times of joking around together or him being insecure about me finding another man (he couldnt be any further from the truth). He absolutely adores my best friend and he thinks im just joking around. She is in the process of leaving her husband and never intends to get married again. She isnt gay but we did say we would love to get a place together and raise the kids together, not caring what anyone thought about it. I would be happy with that. Anyway, if I had made thise comments about anyone other than her he would flip. He is far from being an accepting person, so its foing to be a challenge and scary as hell to do it one day.
All I can say is we are here to listen whenever you need to talk. Getting the guts to move out/divorce, you can only do. I know exactly where you are as I am in similar situation. Don't waste another 10years is the best advice I can give. You have a really good friend that seems to be there for you. But you are the only one who can take that first leap.
