Hi everyone! My name is Vi. I'm 20 years old, in college on my way to become an engineer. As far as my sexuality goes, I'm questioning. I'm stuck between straght and lesbian and think that chatting with a few people here might help me figure it out. The thought of being anything apart from straight honestly scares me. Homosexuality is criminalised in my country. My parents would be supportive but wouldn't be very excited. I'm sure they would be upset. My close friends in college have gay acquaintances but I honestly don't think they completely accept it. Even when the topic of homosexuality comes up, I make it pretty clear that I'm a 100% straight, even if they're joking. I feel like they wouldn't be comfortable with me sleeping on the same bed and all of that stuff. I'm very reserved in general and don't open up to people. They definitely aren't close enough to make me open up. This is one reason why I haven't gone to my university's LGBT club meetings, I'm scared that my friends will find out somehow. I'd have to come out at some point if I am lesbian. Right now I don't know and I'm just hoping that strangers online can give me an answer.
If you don't mind me asking, what made you consider that you could be lesbian? I can understand a lot of your concerns for one homosexuality is also criminalised where I'm born. I haven't been able to come out to my dad or my friends because I'm afraid of what they will think of me. I don't want to destroy our relationship. And it's because I know they won't be supportive because of the comments they occasionally make to people like me. I understand why they are the way they are, I can't expect them to be supportive straight away either. But I have considered them changing their opinions when they realise that someone close to them might be homosexual. I plan to tell them but I don't have the courage yet. Until you have the courage to do so and until you are sure that you are lesbian I think it's fine to not tell those close to you. I used to avoided skin ship with girls, when my friends hugged me I wouldnt be able to touch them back. Like you, I was afraid they'd noticed, that they'd treat me differently and that they'd avoid me. So I kept my distance. I kept a convincing act infront of all of them, I felt insecure about a lot of things. I used to think how good it would've been if I was straight, why do I keep running into walls, would anyone take me seriously if I told them how I felt? For one, I was worried how I looked at them, I avoided eye contact. Now that I think about it I probably acted really weird and that was not necessary. I was aware that I'm different by this stage, I had romantic feelings towards girls, I wanted to kiss girls and more. And like you I didn't accept it at first and was in denial not that it lasted long and distractions didn't work. Because none of this actually felt wrong, when I heard people say it was wrong, I would think why, why is it wrong to love someone? By this time I was like f this I'm just going to be me, no one else needs to know. Just accepting it made me feel better. About the LGBT club meeting at your uni, I think that's a great place to understand yourself. First year of my uni I noticed the support provided to LGBT community at uni for both students and staff. This was before I came out to my mom, before I fully accepted myself. But just knowing that support was there felt so reassuring. It was something my school didn't have, it was also the first time I noticed other people like me. I think you should challenge yourself to go to one meeting and see how it goes. Even if it's just bravely walking to the club room door but not entering (what I did lol) it's still a step forwards. Next time go to a meeting, it's nice to know you aren't alone. Before you tell your parents and your friends (it's fine to just tell your parents if you don't trust your friends) go to one of your LGBT club meetings. It's fine to keep secrets, take this opportunity to learn a bit about yourself. But I really hope you can tell someone, don't kept everything to yourself once you are sure, it feels nice knowing that atleast one person knows. It makes a world of difference. My mom is not the most supportive person but she makes the effort to understand me, I am able to talk to her about things. As a result I've been more honest to others too. If you have any questions about anything I've said so far I'm happy to share my experiences. I wish you all the best.
I wrote a reply before but it didn't show up, so if it magically shows up after this I'm sorry for the double post. Firstly, I wanted to ask, if you don't mind telling me, what made you consider that you could be a lesbian? I can understand your concerns because I was born in a country where homosexuality is criminalised. I refused to admit that I am lesbian and I would deny it when anyone questioned me about it. I would also avoid having skin ship with friends who were girls, when they would hug me I wouldn't be able to touch them. I didn't tell anyone because I would think that even if I told someone would they take me seriously if I told them how I felt? Wouldn't it be fine if I just knew, why do I even need to tell them? It was basically just fear that they'd treat me differently, that they wouldn't accept me and that they would avoid me. But was able to tell my mom, she is not the most supportive person but she is making an effort to understand me. Just telling one person made a world of difference. I'm able to talk to her about things and as result I've been more honest to others. When you are sure about your orientation I think it's best to tell atleast one person, if you have the courage to tell your parents that's great. My dad is homophobic so I'm going take my time to tell him lol. I've stopped being friends with people who were homophobic, it was toxic for me. Now I have a few people who are more open minded, but I'm not close enough to tell them yet. I think it's fine to take things at your own pace. I encourage you to go to one of your uni's LGBT club meetings. It's reassuring to know support is there, my uni has one too. It's something that was new to me, my school didn't have one being a Catholic school. So it's an amazing opportunity to get to know yourself and meet people who can help you. It's nice to know you aren't alone. So I hope you can try going to one even if it's just walking to the front door it's step forwards that you should be proud of. I realised I was lesbian (at that time I thought I was bi) since my early teens, I was aware of societies views. When I was in high school I realised I liked girls romantically, I wanted to kiss girls and more. I didn't want to do this with guys even if thought they were attractive it wasn't in the same way as girls. That was a huge shock to me. But I accepted it, took sometime and I realised nothing good would come from being in denial and I should just love who I want to love. If you have any questions about anything I've said above feel free to ask me, I'm more that happy to answer them. I wish you all the best and I hope you find yourself.
Hello Anything, welcome to EC! While I live in a country where homosexuality is mostly tolerated, I can understand not being sure of your sexuality. What makes you feel like you're stuck between being gay and straight? You may be bisexual if you experience attraction to both men and women. Everyone on this website is really accepting and you can talk to me if you want to, it took me a long time to figure out my sexuality too.
