Introduction

Hi there. Not sure where to start, or even if I should start.

I'm older and born female. I'm married to a hetero man. Some things have come up that reminded me of my childhood. I grew up wanting to be male. But it was the 80's. In the Deep South. With horribly abusive parents. If some of the acceptance and information was available to me back then, I would have prevented puberty, become male and never looked back.

I've put that out of my thoughts for a long while now. So now I'm used to my body and don't want to give up my marriage, or any of the parts of being a woman that I do like. Not to mention that I am attracted to men not women.

So why am I here? Where I shouldn't be because even questioning this stuff can cause me to lose everything yet again.

Some more info. I've figured out that at a minimum I had a male twin that I absorbed parts from when he passed in the womb (have had surgeries to remove and correct problems due to that). I got a strong shot of testosterone while in the womb at an early stage of development as well. I can't get any other information since I was born in a different country, my mom's passed away and my dad disowned me. I can say that my dad treated me like a boy growing up, and I also had a gynecologist question if I was born strictly female.