Hello Empty Closets. This is a big step forward for me, joining this forum, as I've wanted to join a community like this for some time. Some details about me. I am a 24 year old college graduate, and have considered myself to be straight for most of my life, but likely knew I had "unconventional" feelings towards men as early as 12 years old. It wasn't until I was 21 that I recognised I had a sizable attraction to men as much as I do to women. But it was only in October of last year that i fully embraced that I was bisexual. In addition to this, I have also had desires to cross dress as far back as 5 years old, but never actually got to try it until I was performing in costume for some videos I was producing for YouTube. That was also 3 years ago now. I enjoy the idea of crossdressing because I love the idea of feeling pretty, or sexy depending on the day. Dresses with bold colors and flowing pleates. Earings, braclets, and pearls. Strap or heal shoes. Lipstick and Dark eyeliner. Although funny enough, I think I'd like to dress goth a bit more than I'd like to dress like a beauty pageant contestant. My best rationalization for these two things--my sexuality and my desire to crossdress--is that I have a very feminine personality that likes to sometimes take the wheel, while at the same time, I like most to be around others with feminine personalities: whether that be actual women, feminine gay men, or transgender women. The typical straight "man's man" personality, much like how my dad was, really turns me off. My tastes in movies, TV, music, and games represent a wide range of genres and styles, which I feel reflect my male and female sides. Because I really love films like "Lord of the Rings," "The Matrix," and "Evil Dead 2," but also things like "Steven Universe," "My Little Pony: FIM," and almost every Disney animated movie. Ever since I started embracing my bisexuality, my mind and body has slowly evolved to be more in tune with that outlook. So I could not be happier about how I feel and what I'm feeling, because...it feels right. However, it is still all very new to me, and I still have a lot to ask and a lot to think about. I'm not sure if anyone else out there has quite the same situation as I do. But I'd very much like to talk to those of you who can relate to some or all of this above. I'd like to read how you've dealt with it, embraced it, and how it has affected you socially, for good or bad. Thank you for reading.
I can relate to this part of your post the most. I am 25 and only within the past few years have I begun to seriously question my sexuality. I never understood the ‘you are born gay’ thing until this past week, though. Looking back, with the help of people on this site, I think my body, my brain, just naturally, instinctually knew as young as 11 or 12 back in middle school. But because of the conservative, religious small town I grew up in I learned to repress these feelings. I labelled them odd and inappropriate in my head. At first this was repressed only to the point that I developed a ‘type’ which was feminine, aesthetically pleasing guys but as highschool came and I still didn’t understand what girls found in guys, I became so repressed that I may as well have called myself asexual at the time. To be honest, whenever I got asked if I was gay I would say “I’m straight” and despite believing at the time I was a straight, non-sexual, not very hormonal, normal girl…it just never felt right rolling off my tongue like that. I’m glad I came here and have been able to figure myself out. I’ve learned so much about myself coming here. I found that as soon as I began to question myself, and I pretty much gave myself permission to consider the idea I might like girls…it was just so sudden. Its like suddenly I was checking out girls. I legit feel like I’m going through the awkward hormonal teenager phase I never went through. Its such a big adjustment and it confused me, too. Still does really, I don’t get it. But even if its still sort of confusing, realizing all of this about myself, admitting and accepting my own sexuality, even if I still don’t understand some parts of it…I’ve never been happier. I haven’t been this happy and…light, I guess?...in such a long time. Like you said, it just feels right.
Welcome to EC! Hope you like it here. I can relate to the part of embracing your sexuality. Somehow you feel more confident, easy going, relaxed and of course way happier.
Could not agree more. I think in an interesting way, feeling content and at peace with your sexuality and self-image can provide you with more courage to face your other anxieties and fears more than anything else will.
I really adore the community already. So much less negativity and defensive opinions than I'm used to on other forums.
