Hi, call me Myles. I have spent some time living alone (~6 months) and started that journey by losing a few people I came to call very close friends. (I dated one of them + broke up and at first, nothing was the same but I trusted that they didn't need me to be attractive and available to be worthy of their friendships. It wasn't like some huge issue or fight or outright rejection, I lost them because I just wasn't interesting anymore.) I've never been a shy person but now more than ever I feel incredibly self conscious knowing that people I care about ultimately decided they are better off without me. I down played my sexuality and let my gender expression just completely default to cishet. I thought 'well, it doesn't matter if I'm bi, I can cross that bridge when I come to it' bc who I date isn't the most important part of me. I felt like if I was "really" genderfluid, then I'd know without needing to experiment so obviously I was being fake and should just try harder to be a girl. I am happy to be a part of this space because often times I feel like if I let people in or seek out closer friendships, its just going to ultimately end in rejection. I hit a breaking point last year and decided that if I put effort into presenting androgynously while alone in public, it wasn't going to be fake bc who tf cares who I am at the grocery store? Since then I feel like I have a point to expressing myself besides just being whatever is easiest for others to accept. It feels good to tell my story a little bit. Thank you for listening.
oh unrelated but newbie question: can anybody click on my profile and tell me if my profile picture shows up? I cut the picture down to the correct size-- the website gave me an "unable to upload" error but when I click on my profile, the picture shows up anyways?
Welcome to EC, Miles, I hope it helps It has definitely made me and a lot of other people feel less lonely. (Can see ur profile pic, don't worry.)
Hi Myles. I sympathize with your story, and empathize with some of your struggles. I think a place like Empty Closets, even if you don't post much, can serve as a way of assuaging the fear that you are alone in your uncertainty and the problems you are facing. It can really help in guiding your thoughts to the realizations or solutions you are looking for.