1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Love the Adventure Hate the Fallout

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by 7889, Feb 23, 2017.

  1. 7889

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2017
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto
    I am a 41 year old female who is thrilled to finally acknowledge that I am lesbian. It is crazy to me that I feel I have always been waaaaaay lesbian but I just kept my emotions packaged in the back of my brain. My family and most of my life-long friends are not surprised and all are accepting of my lesbian identification - so far. I feel lucky to be living in such progressive times, although society does still have far to go with respect to acceptance and inclusion.
    In any case, I was married with three young children. I loved my previous life - which was easy and pretty much textbook old school.
    My story is that the signs I was a lesbian were there as soon as puberty hit. In grades 6 through 8 I would become very good friends with a girl. I would literally physically fight for her, cry over her, and eventually want more from the girl that she could give. So, in grade 9 I found competitive sports and have spent the last 30 years doing cardio exercise for anywhere from 40 minutes to 5 hours a day. I competed in 3 different university sports and lived a product-driven, goal oriented life. Things seemed good but over the last 10 years I have been allowing myself to feel attraction and connection to women I never allowed and have suppressed from grade 9 onwards.
    Over the last few years I totally developed a crush on a colleague. By fluke, I fell biochemically in love. The feeling was gut wrenching and the best I have ever had. There was no sex but my dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and cortisol were in the right ratios in the moment we had an intense, but tailored (work training), interaction. Unfortunately, the feelings were/are not reciprocated but this experience opened the flood gates.
    As much as it has been a struggle over the past year processing my sexual orientation; what it means to me at this point in my life; and flipping my "perfect" family upside down, I am happy to have separated from my best friend. He is now my ex- husband.
    What I need to learn is to stop hating who I am. I need to learn to stop hating what I have had to do to my family. Consciously, I know the changes in family dynamics I have created will be best for everyone long term. However, I now carry a mixed bag of anger and adventurous feelings. I hope to learn how to live hard and make the best of the situation I have through use of this site.
    Happy convos all!
     
  2. Silver Sparrow

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2011
    Messages:
    673
    Likes Received:
    22
    Location:
    Northeast US
    Welcome to EC! Glad you've found us.