Im 44. Im male. Im gay, I hate that Im gay. Im alone, I hate that too. I get very depressed. Im depressed right now. Just want someone to talk to.
Hi VegasGuy1972 , welcome to the community and I hope you find happiness withing yourself to accept whom you are, when you become happy with yourself you will trust in others and have no problem with you identity. Hugs
Hi VegasGuy1972 and welcome to Empty Closets!!! I'm sorry to hear that you're feelin' the way you do right now and I certainly hope that you'll feel better soon once you've given EC some time. Myself, I'm carryin' transthoughts and have a higher interest of female clothings than majority of guys (I believe?). I like to put the words in that way(A) Anyhow, I know how that lonesome feeling is like sometimes. I'm pleased to have my friends supportin' me though, yet I can still feel lonesome sometimes. I do hope that you'll find lots of new friends and get to discover more of yourself as a person here on EC. You've made a great choice of joinin' here, there's nothin' but open-minded persons in here who doesn't judge you for bein' you. By pure curiosity, why do you hate that you're gay? If you don't feel like answerin' then I won't force you to do it. I will respect and won't go any further in that case
Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. Have you thought about transitioning? When I was young, I wished I was a girl. That's the first time I ever said that out loud. As I got older, those feelings went away though. I grew up in a religious household and was told at about age 6 or 7 by my mom that "you know, all gay people go to hell", and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Rejection by both parents, constant mental and physical abuse to name just a few things. There is soooooooooooooooooo much more, but I wont get into it. My mom makes Joan Crawford look like a saint! I tried therapy, but it did no go what-so-ever, actually it made things worse.
Hey Vegasguy1972. I hope you start to find some peace of mind. I know what it feels like to hate yourself and feel alone. I've been suffering from depression for over 30 years without acknowledging it or seeking help until a few years ago. Counselling/therapy didn't help me either but I have to believe the right help/support is out there. You are not alone here
Yea, my therapist just seemed very uninterested, especially after I told him I was gay. What a waste of time and money.
Hi Vegusguy and Welcome, Visiting EC will help you feel less alone...even though its a virtual community, it will help! And when you feel comfortable sharing more, feel free to post...your mom (aka: Joan Crawford) sounds like a nightmare, expressing yourself and feelings around all this might help when you are ready. As for the therapist you worked with, I am sorry it was a horrible experience! Please don't write off therapy altogether though, all therapy is not like that! Honestly. As with all professions there are bad therapists out there, and sometimes we just click with some better than we do with others. There are even therapists that specialize in LGBT issues. I have been working with a great therapist for a while, and can recognize my progress in changing some of my distressful thought patterns and behaviors. He isn't a specialist in LGBT issues, but we click and his approach works for me in a way the approach other therapists took did not (I worked with a couple of others in the years leading up to finding my this one.) Once again, Welcome
