New Here. Closet, or no closet? Not sure actually.

Long story short, I'm new here and instead of boring everyone with insipid, boring details. I'll cut to the chase, and tell my short story.

I've almost always considered myself a hetero male for awhile up until I had a sudden realization at work I was attracted to my male best friend (who's straight) over a decade ago. This started me to question my sexuality on occasion. I've mentioned this in another post, but knowing he is straight I haven't acted on it, said anything or anything related. We are still best friends and I don't want to say anything to him. I don't know how he would react, but he is not homophobic at least.

As time passed after my realization, I've found myself checking out guys and girls equally, but covertly. I've been single most of my life and have never been intimate with anyone to this point (I was in my mid 20s, virgin and never had a gf or bf). My mom always said she would love me regardless and my father thought I was gay and he was incredibly homophobic. It also didn't help I was given a long skirt by an high school friend (female) and I wore it around the house a lot. Mom didnt care, but my father hated it. It was sooooo comfy though. This was before I had my sudden realization I actually might be gay. I was never into sports, didn't constantly talk about "tagging chicks" in school, or any other of that hormone induced ego superiority that's typical with guys in middle and high school in the 90s.

In the last ten years or so, I've been noticing I'm attracted to both males and females. I began to wonder if I'm bisexual. I kept it to myself. Also during this time I've had online friends who have transitioned to MTF, and FTM and some have even mentioned it to me early on. The whole idea intrigued me, maybe I'm "not the typical guy" as friends said. So I once again shelved the idea.

Fast forward to the last few years, here's where it gets confusing and difficult. I will intentionally skip some major points because I found this site through Google and if enough generic detail is mentioned I could be out'ed by people who know (best friend from earlier included). I want be outed in my own time, even if there isn't anything to "come out with". I've had thoughts during several periods in my life wondering if I'm "me" and if I needed a change and found myself behaving well, more "un-manlike". Still not much interest in a relationship, kids, hunting, sports, cars, etc.

I ended up starting to talk to this girl online and got a particular feeling about this person... Wasn't even looking. After several months (9+ of talking) she ended up becoming my first girlfriend (long distance, online) when I was just over 30 and still a virgin, I knew she wasn't comfortable with who she is and wanted a change. She is also incredibly depressed and always anxious, which she has been to many doctors and tried many medications to no avail. I ended up moving in with her and her mom (of course after we all met, and her mom loved me... She was scared her daughter might get catfished and we all got along great) and after awhile she came out and said she didn't want to be a woman anymore and wanted to have top surgery. Her mom was fine with it, and while I like boobs it kind of pained me hear she wanted to 'chop em off'. She also wants the downstairs plumbing removed because her periods are unusually heavy and terrible. It wont happen because of her age. She briefly mentioned it to her current mental health doctor, and she didn't touch on the subject much. Over the last 2 years, this has been mentioned in passing moments up until the last week...

I've been talking to an online friend who is starting his transition to female and we had a conversation that really made me kind of realize. I *AM* bisexual. I like guys and girls. I mentioned to him/her that my girlfriend wants to do a partial transition to male and he gave me all kinds of information. However... If she was to change, doing it here in this small town would probably destroy her (highly religious and trans/homophobic. If I wanted to change, it would destroy me. My career is also highly trans/homophobic everywhere I've been.

Here's where our unknowns are. Just tonight I kind of mentioned the male to female thing like its something I've thought about to her. I've also mentioned to her I am bisexual and that I also check out guys. I've given her more resources and to let her know that I once again support her decision to go on with what she wants to do.

This probably isnt the correct forum for advice, but since my/our is summed up here, it might be easier to get some input.

So, there's my story. I'm now in my mid 30s my girlfriend is in her mid 20s (I'm 9 years older) and we been together for 4 years. She wants to transition, but she is unemployed due to some medical reasons (not enough for disability or anything) and she is very open to HRT. I've been doing some research and talking about it, but she is terrified to transition where we live. She has mentioned moving to a more "accepting" location. She was born outside of Seattle, but moved here when she was still a baby. Both of us have always wanted to check out the pacific coast.

Both of our parents are deceased now, the only person she has is her grandma and she knows that she wants to transition and is fine with it. I want to transition as well, but my brain suddenly kicks in and says "no" because of my work and what small part of my family that remains. I know I would get disowned, but I'm the black sheep of the family anyway. I know the couple friends I do have would probably be ok with it. In skilled trades, I see this as career suicide.

So, our concerns....
My concerns:
• Mid 30s bisexual whose still a virgin, seriously considering MTF transition.
• Totally ok with how I turned out, but I still feel. "disconnected" in a sense.
• Coming out as bi would only further alienate me from whats left of my family (I kind of don't care, I only see them when family dies). As a kid, I was the quiet one everyone walked over. I'm more mouthy now, and would probably just tell them off if they cant accept me. Going trans would definitely push me outside the family.
• Totally for HRT and maybe bottom operation if I can afford it at some point. (I'm also totally stoked of the idea I could develop breasts!)
• Career suicide. I'm an electrician working for a non union company. If I came out and started my transition, everyone would completely reject me and I might get "laid off". highly religious company, but not overbearing religious.

Her concerns:
• Mid 20s pansexual virgin who definitely wants to transition FTM.
• Totally for HRT, and maybe top surgery if hormones don't rid her of her breasts.
• No desire for bottom surgery

Both concerns:
• Would relocating to a more open place be a bit more ideal before transitioning instead of transitioning in a homophobic/transphobic town? My guess is yes.
• Would such a place be more accepting of a transgender electrician if did start to transition after starting employment?
• Insurance and doctors after moving, or trying to find somebody "in state" if moving is not ideal.

Yea, said I would keep it short... Sorry, but I felt I had to add this information.

"Jerry" - Want to transition.
"Samuel" - Definitely want to transition but not sure if its safe here.

Open to any insight... Both of us have read tons of material on HRT and surgery over the last few years on and off. She doesn't know that I'm actually quite serious about me transitioning yet.

I hope this made some sense.