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40 Year Old Cliche

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by xAngiex, Mar 15, 2017.

  1. xAngiex

    Regular Member

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    I suspect that I'm a lesbian, and have been trying to work up to telling my husband for the past few years. Last month, he left me because our relationship hasn't been great, big surprise right? We've been married for 20 years, so I'm 40 years old and have spent half of my life married to a man. I'm not out to anyone yet other than my best friend who was just like "yup, that makes sense" lol.

    I knew that I had crushes on my friends in high school. But I grew up in a very small, very religious, and very conservative southern town in the 80s/90s so it wasn't something I ever admitted to anyone. Then, after I had been married to my husband for a few years, and moved to a more open minded place, I realized that I was into women and assumed that I was bisexual. But now, I'm almost certain that I'm just a full on lesbian.

    The only man I would even consider at this point is my husband, and to be honest, if he took me back tomorrow I would probably welcome him with open arms. After 20 years it's so hard to let someone go, I really feel like I will always love him dearly. But I also think we would both be better off if that didn't happen, even if it hurts me to say it. I really do think it would be more my desire not to lose my companion of the past 20 years. We're still good friends, so hopefully I can maintain that while also getting to be who I really am.

    And, to top it off I was highly dependent on my husband due to chronic illness so this is going to be both emotionally and physically challenging. So, yeah, basically I'm just lost right now and my entire world has been turned upside down.
     
  2. Worker Bee

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Manchester
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    Out to everyone
    Hi Annie. Welcome to EC! It sounds like you and your husband will remain friends. Hopefully if/when you tell him he will be supportive and you'll have another person you can talk to.
    I'm sorry to hear you feel lost but it's understandable after being with someone for so long that you would feel adrift without them.

    You will find friendship and support here. I have only been a member for just over a week and this site and the people I have met have already had a positive effect on my mental state etc