Hey everyone!

Hi there! So I googled forums supporting people in the closet. And here I am.

I have had gender confusion since around 11-12 but I could not process the information. This all fell away, not suppressed, as I got into later teens. I had no girlfriends just awkward mishaps of trying. Met my wife at 19 and fell in love. Two children and marriage later and I was on course to fulfil my life as a guy.

Then an event happened and the confusing feelings exploded out of me with more understanding and context with age. I explored online, using a female persona, crossdressed behind closed doors. Out to no one. My sexuality wasn't in question, just how I felt about my gender.

I purged after a few years but it came back in 2012. Purged again but with a new job I found friendship with a cis-female and by this time this was all building up. I spoke to my GP about an issue but she could tell there was more. I went back with a list. Including gender identity issues. She eventually got me an appointment to the GIC. But I was scared off and wanted counselling first. Their required blood tests showed I have very low T and mid range E and P. This may go to explain slightly why I can easily slip from one gender to another. My body is fairly andro. I came out to my cis friend who was very understanding but lost to how to help.

I came out to another cis female friend and both treat me as female. This second friend has been utterly amazing in helping. I am seeing a counsellor for two issues, one not related to identity, the other is. I presented to my counsellor as Claire last week - the first person to see me face to face (my friends have seen photos). As time has gone on, I am also confronting my sexuality - in that as someone who is both male and female at the moment, I'm trying to work out if I am attracted to both. As well as sexually attracted to women, I am also curious about the female body and how much mine is like it. And what would happen if I transitioned. With men it is more just physical attraction.

I am transgender but my circumstances mean I must remain as I am.

This is me, I am Claire.