Well hello! A google search for gender fluid daughter led me to this site. I have 3 kids and the oldest is almost 13. She learned about gender fluid people at school and loved the idea because she related to it. Im the kind of person who would generally say that its not really my business and you can be anything in the world I would like you the same. BUT this of course isnt so simple. Im trying to help her navigate the world and people suck sometimes. She just got a new boyfriend and I worry about how he will react when she chooses to tell him. She has been at her school for 3 months and I worry about what her friends will say. And I dont tell her to hide it or play it down. I tell her to be whatever she wants (PS - using female pronouns cause she prefers them at this point). But Im also her mom and hell bent on saving her from the world. Ha! Anyhow, thats my story for coming here. Other things to know: Im a single mom, divorced. Dad is pretty decent and we get along. Our largest fight ever was when I took the kids home after a pride parade and he lost his mind and accused me of trying to make them gay - but that was 4 years ago and he is significantly more understanding! There is a step mom and she is hell bent on being the best step mom ever so thats a good thing too! I have a second daughter who is 10 and my boy is 8. The oldest lives with me full time, the middle every other weekend but lives with dad, and the boy comes every weekend and lives with dad but wants to come to me full time (we are working through that change and let the kids have a say in where they stay). So I will be reading and looking for advice on how to support the kid through her most awkward years of her life. She has had self harming behaviours which she has eased out of lately (nothing in the last month). She has been bullied so I changed her school after I had the cops do an investigation at her old school. Shes doing good now, but I worry those problems will happen again. That was totally longer than I intended! If you read it all, thanks! LOL :smilewave
Well she is lucky to have a mother like you (who supports her), my mom found out I was gay last year and she banned me from having contact with ANYONE (I`m home schooled so I`m probably confined to the house until I`m 18....) but that is a tough one there I`ll admit, honestly I don`t think there is much you can do.... you don`t want her to be bullied or her relationship to suffer with other people cause of it... and telling her not to express herself would be a bad idea.. I know I`m not much help but offering moral support for her is the best thing you can do, maybe reach out to some parents of LGBT kids in your community, they otto be able to share their mistakes and give you the best advice, wish you were my mom lol...
Hi there. I'm Cam. Welcome to EC. The people here are friendly and supportive and it's a great place to talk to people from the whole rainbow spectrum. You sound like a great mom.
Aww thanks! Id love to be everyones mom! ha! Its a non issue as far as Im concerned but plenty of people in the world seem to think its a problem, and their business. I guess my attitude of having no extra fucks for other peoples opinion pays off! I do have a lot of friends and family in the local lgbt community. Shes not comfortable with sharing with people yet, but I dont push it cause I dont see why its something she should have to sit down and explain to anyone. Thanks for the hello's and comments!
yas! I got a new mom!! jk, but I know its easy for me to say as an outsider but for me it seems pretty straight forward, she should tell people when she feels ready to do it, in her own time, on her own way... You can voice your concerns to her and then together you can figure out and do it when the time is best , and I don`t think she needs to exlain herself to anyone either for being gender fluid, I hope I helped at least a little... happy mothers day!
Thanks! Thats kind of how I feel too. Its not my place to tell her how or if to do it, but I want to have as much info and ideas as possible to help if she needs it :icon_bigg
Hey leighroy, Just a little input from another LGBTQ person. You already said that you don't see why your daughter should have to "sit down and explain" her gender identity to anyone. You are exactly right about that! The thing is that gender identity and sexual orientation is a very personal and private matter for each of us. (And the fact that those of us in the LGBTQ community don't conform with 'mainstream' society is an obstacle to begin with.) As you surmise, your daughter's personal information is her information. If she chooses to share it with you, as she has, it's not yours to share - with ANYONE, unless she consents. Respecting that basic understanding will go a long way to keeping the trust between you and her in the longrun. Just my 2cents...
YES! I totally agree! TodayI posted all my mothers day cards on facebook. But not the oldests one, because hers was a letter and it included this info in her letter. So I asked her if she wanted me to share her present like her siblings or keep it private and she chose private. I said that was cool - its my job to keep her secrets. Thats awesome advice!
