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Peeking Out the Closet Door

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by seadog, Jun 16, 2009.

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  1. seadog

    seadog
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    I married when I was 28 because I wanted children and thought in time my affection for other men would dry up. 3 children, now, and almost 25 years later, guess what? I still like guys! So, I'm peeking out the closet door, working to accept these feelings as inherently who I am. Don't know where this will take me with my marriage and all, but it no doubt will be interesting. Seems like many on this site are a bit younger than I. Its great that you are in touch with your identity. I'll lurk around a bit and see what's happening here. I tend to be very tolerant of others. I actually celebrate individuals who free themselves to do ink, cross dress, dress punk, emo etc, e.g. even though none of that is my style. I think its great that we can express ourselves in those ways. So, here's to discovering our individuality & celebrating life.
     
    #1 seadog, Jun 16, 2009
  2. Shevanel

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    Hi! :slight_smile: Welcome to EC :grin:
     
    #2 Shevanel, Jun 16, 2009
  3. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi and welcome to EC!
     
    #3 Mirko, Jun 16, 2009
  4. Rosina

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    Heya, it's great that you could join us :slight_smile: Welcome to EC!

    There's a few men on here that have been through marriage and have kids, so I'm sure they can offer you lots of advice. Jim1454 is one of our most active 'EC Dads'. It's wonderful that you have such a positive outlook on life, I daresay you'll fit right in.

    Welcome again :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Rosina, Jun 16, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2009
  5. EM68

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    Welcome to EC!! You found a great place to 'peek out the closet door'. There are a number of guys who have been married then realized that they are gay. Hope you like it here.
     
    #5 EM68, Jun 16, 2009
  6. mattypants

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    welcome to ec :slight_smile:
     
    #6 mattypants, Jun 16, 2009
  7. Gerry

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    Hi and welcome to EC! :smilewave
     
    #7 Gerry, Jun 16, 2009
  8. Thisisnew

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    Hey welcome to EC :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Thisisnew, Jun 16, 2009
  9. tm74

    tm74 Guest

    Welcome! You'll find there's a few "olders" on here (i.e 30+) some of whom have been through what you have... I will say this, here, you are among friends.
     
    #9 tm74, Jun 16, 2009
  10. Chip

    Chip
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    Welcome to EC, and congratulations on taking the steps you're taking. It's definitely not easy at your age, but it's a big step in being your true self.

    You may want to read Joe Kort's amazing book "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love." He has a chapter or two in there that specifically addresses gay men who are (or were) heterosexually married, and it's one of the most enlightening discussions I've ever seen because it deals with the issue of children in the marriage, and guilt that most men feel in that situation, and why the man is *not* solely to blame for the predicament. I think you'll find it to be very affirming and supportive to your situation.
     
    #10 Chip, Jun 16, 2009
  11. Peter

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    Hi there Seadog. I recognize your story nearly perfectly: I married at the age of 27 and have been married 27 years, two children. I came out to my wife and my (now adult) children last year. My wife and I are still together, working through this, slowly, painfully and with the help of therapists. I know where you are, I have been there, I came out, went back in, came out again. The EC is largely younger folk, but they don't mind us oldies hanging around and feeling sorry for ourselves :wink:
    Good luck with moving on with this. I can recommend some books and websites for married men coming out if you are interested. Both my wife and I have been reading a lot and trying to find help and support.
    xxx
    Peter.
     
    #11 Peter, Jun 16, 2009
  12. twixy30

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    welcome and hope you find what your lokking for no matter the age we love you all
     
    #12 twixy30, Jun 16, 2009
  13. Mickey

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    From one "oldster" to another,I welcome you to the EC family. There are a few of us geriatric posters here. Somehow (lol!) we fit right in! This is a wonderfully diverse site and I'm sure you'll like it here.
     
    #13 Mickey, Jun 16, 2009
  14. seadog

    seadog
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    Welcomes

    Thanks all for the welcomes. I'd wanted to sent you personal notes, but have learned that my current credentials don't allow me to send private mail. You are all kind to take time to reply to my post. Thanks too for the recommendations. I would follow up directly if I could. Maybe in time my credentials will be upgraded. Thanks again.
     
    #14 seadog, Jun 17, 2009
  15. Eleanor Rigby

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    Hi and welcome to EC. There is a lot of young members here, but some are older and I'm sure you can relate with their stories.
    Take care, Eleanor
     
    #15 Eleanor Rigby, Jun 17, 2009
  16. Lychee

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    Hi, welcome to EC :slight_smile:
     
    #16 Lychee, Jun 17, 2009
  17. Jim1454

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    Hi there and welcome to EC from someone who has 'been there, done that'.

    I married at 27 and had 2 beautiful daughters before having to accept that I was gay. Being attracted to men wasn't the 'curiosity' that I and so many of us hope it is. The 'curiosity' didn't just go away once it was satisfied. Instead it turned out to be something inherant that couldn't be ignored any longer.

    For me - as it is for most married me - it was a rough road. The internal conflict and stress resulted in addiction, so I've had to work on recovery as well as acceptance of myself at the same time. But I've made A LOT of progress on both fronts over the past couple of years. EC helped with that tremendously. I hope that you find it as helpful.

    I've ended up being one of the moderators here, and you can in fact contact me directly if you want to. However, as a new member, feel free to write as much as you want in the open forum about your situation, or provide comments and suggestions as you see fit in the other threads. With age come wisdom (or at least that's what us mature people like to think!) and a perspective on things that I think is valuable to some of the issues and problems raised here.

    So welcome. Make yourself at home, and feel free to contact me through a private message if you want to ask any questions of me.
     
    #17 Jim1454, Jun 18, 2009
  18. Magnet

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    Hi there. Welcome to EC. It's great to have you here :slight_smile:
     
    #18 Magnet, Jun 18, 2009
  19. seadog

    seadog
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    Thanks Chip. i'll look for it. Great angle. I'll probably have to have the local book store order it for me! Ha! Forget amazon. That'd be cheating! And the better part-- Our local book store is owned and operated by a family that is very "christian" in name. We'll see if this stretches them into walking the talk! -- matt
     
    #19 seadog, Jun 19, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2009
  20. seadog

    seadog
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    What a hilarious experience. So I go to my local bookstore to pick up the recommended tome "10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love." I knew I made the right decision when I entered the bookstore and saw the clerk behind the counter. My untrained gaydar went off the charts. The clerk stood maybe 6'1" and wore skinny jeans with a baby blue skin tight long sleeve T under a short sleeve top. I actually enjoyed telling him the whole title of the tome as he entered it into the computer to check inventory. He then had to phone the distributor to see when the next printing would be available. It was a [not so, but yet somewhat] big step to give the clerk my name and phone no. so he could call when the book arrived.

    I don't believe in accidents, so I thot the whole episode, non-consequential to most of you, was pretty fun. On I go... .. ... ..
     
    #20 seadog, Jun 19, 2009
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