Hello, all. I just joined the forum yesterday but forgot to properly introduce myself. XD My name is Amanda, I live in the Upper South/Midwest area of the United States (I call myself a Kentoosier since I see both Kentucky and Indiana as my home states lol). And...I just found out I was gay this year. It actually started when I saw this one video on youtube back in February about the beautiful relationship between Xena and Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess. That video was the spark that set off the fire that was suppressed inside me for a long time, unbeknownst to me. This burning rushed through my veins and I was overwhelmed with a deep, sudden longing...a desire...a hunger for a certain kind of physical affection. As I was going through this rough period of my life (I call it the burning phase since that's what it felt like to me), I kept emailing my mom about my new feelings since at first I was too scared to talk about it face-to-face. But she was really, really accepting of me and actually helped me sort out all my newfound emotions, quickly embracing me for who I am. I was in denial about being gay when it first started because I thought it would be the end of the world for me, I'd live a lonely life, or disappoint my mom. Luckily enough, my mom isn't one of those mothers who has their child's life all mapped out in their heads beforehand, so she's not upset at all over the fact that she won't have grandchildren (and I know gay folks can have kids, but it's just not for me). So yeah, I guess I'm a late bloomer when it comes to sexuality. Before February I always thought I was just asexual straight girl. I mean, I found a few celebrity boys to be cute and all, but I never had marriage or sexual fantasies about them. The thought of having sex with them repulsed me, actually. And when it comes to real life, I never had a crush on a boy or dated one. I wasn't attracted to either sex really. And when I tried to think about guys (since our heterosexist society pressures us to fall for the opposite sex), it never developed into something deep. And now it all makes sense and I thank God I had this sexual awakening because now my desires for female affection aren't half-baked, but fully realized. Now I know exactly what I want out of life regarding love and relationships and feel free to pursue those things. I just hope I won't end up as a lonely lesbian with half a dozen cats. The thought of our community being so small is so depressing as it sometimes feels like there's no hope in me ever finding the woman of my dreams. :icon_sad: But when I think those thoughts, my mom tries to cheer me up and reassures me that if I get active in the LGBT communities in nearby areas, I won't feel so alone and I'll see that there are plenty of potential lesbian dates. lol XD I'm just thankful I happened to be born in this particular time where us homos are free to love in the way that's natural for us. Sure we may not have full marriage rights and our love is still looked down upon in society as being lesser than het love, but at least we're free to have same-sex relationships without fear of being killed or completely shunned (in most parts of the world, that is). And at least we're not invisible anymore and people are becoming less and less homophobic. I am truly blessed to be a woman of the 21st century. ^^ Well, I guess that's it for now. I really hope to talk to you all and get to know my gay brothers and sisters that frequent this place. :icon_bigg
Hi Amanda! and Welcome to EC! (even though we're already talking on the wall, I still thought I'd come and greet ya in here).
Essay? You're mocking me, aren't you? D: I knew it. ;___; Thanks a lot, man! I'm so glad I found this place, too. :icon_bigg
Hi and welcome to EC from Jim in Toronto! I'm glad you've come to terms with your orientation, and that your mom was so supportive. That's awesome!
Hi Amanda, and welcome to EC! I love it when people make a long introduction, by the way. It makes me feel like I know you a little bit already...
Hey! Welcome to EC, love. I think Xena and Gabrielle helped many, many lesbians find themselves. XD They're icons. Very, very hot icons.
Hey Amanda. Awesome introduction. And I have to say... I'm kinda jealous your mom was even like, "Well you need to join some LGBT groups" and seemed chipper about it. Not many parents are like that. Welcome to the love and support of EC. (*hug*)