Hey everyone, I'm a 19 year old gay guy and I really don't know why the heck I’m posting here. There are a few people who know I'm gay. I told all my close friends and they're all fine with my sexuality. My mom does not know I'm gay and I don't see myself coming out to her in the near future My dad knows I'm gay. My parents are divorced. In April 2008 (I was in grade 12) he took me to an opening day at some University and decided to wait in the car. So I went about and got all the info for the courses I was interested in and then went back to the car. Then we went to my mother's home where he dropped me off. When I was about to get out of the car he asked, "Are you gay"? God I thought I was dying. There was silence for about 15 seconds, and then he pulled a letter out of his jacket. He explained that my 2 year old sister opened my school bag and threw out some stuff. He then putt all my books back and saw the letter- being a bit bored, he read it. When I saw the letter I really did die. This was the piece of paper my girl friend and I used to communicate during Math class. We talked about me spending the weekend with a guy I met a few months before. I was basically telling her how hot he was and what we did after we got back to his place from a local pub. There were no explicit sexual details in the letter, although there were some sexual references in it. After a few moments I told my dad that I was indeed gay. He asked me if I'm sure and I told him I was. Then I got out of the car, went inside and sat. I was shocked. Shocked that he knew. I never considered telling him I was gay. He is a true pro-Apartheid, Afrikaner male. I always thought he would beat me up when I told him. I was wrong. About an hour later he called and told me that he love me and it doesn’t matter that I'm gay. Now two years later and we have not talked about it again. I guess it's like I’m back in the closet again. Someday I'll have to come out and tell him and the rest of my family the truth...
Welcome to EC!! :smilewave Wow, your story feels eerily familiar and yet different... I went through a period after I first came out to a few people where I thought everything was fine, but then I realized that like you, I had kinda drifted back into the closet. It took a really emotional epiphany to finally get me to set this right, and that's what drove me to EC. And since coming here in less than 3 months I've got the whole thing figured out, I'm fully out to my parents, and I couldn't be happier! My point - it's a good thing that you came to EC. This place will help you get yourself back on track and then ultimately carry you to the end game of being a happy out gay guy!
I’m really glad that you could associate with my story and I'm happy that you finally managed to get out! However I’m not in the position right now where I will come out (again) to my dad and the rest of my family... I’d like to move out of the house first! But it really is inspiring to see all these stories and know that the gay community actually cares for each other
Hi, Estienne, and welcome to EC! I don't think you'll need to come out to your dad again; it's not something one "forgets", and my guess is that he's just uncomfortable, and not sure what to say, and so that's why it hasn't been discussed again. I'm sure that when you bring it up, or have a boyfriend to discuss, or something like that, he'll deal with it and be OK with it. And because he's got time to think about it, it's more likely he'll be able to handle it when it does come up. As for telling the rest of the family... take your time. There's no rush and no urgent need to do so. For a lot of people, the time they choose to do that is when they're in a relationship that's meaningful and want to share that with the family. In the meantime, I'd encourage you to spend some time here reading some of the other people's stories, and sharing some of your own experiences, askign questions, jumping into conversations where you have something to say. Please stick around and keep us up to date!!
Welcome to EC I think sharing your thought about coming out and things like that really helps for anyone to start getting comfortable with themselves. Keep on posting
Hi Estienne! Welcome to Empty Closets! Glad you have decided to join. EC is a great place to seek or ask for support and feedback. Congrats on coming out to your dad!
Well if I were u I would look to see if there is any PFLAG organisation in your country. Maybe they have an organisation like that in your country. If there is its a good place to go and to take your parents too as its a great way of parents of gays or lesbians to get to know and support other parents of gays and lesbians. I am aware your country is gay friendly as it now has gay marriages, so I would not be surprised if there are pflag or organisations like that in your country. But anyway you can get the support here and get lots of useful info here. Hope your time on EC is vaulable.
Thanks all! I really enjoy this site. This is the first gay site I've been on that's not all about sex. I love the psychology 101 that everybody gives another... I'll definitely stay visit this site regularly
Hi and welcome to EC Congratulations for coming out to your dad, it must have been a really difficult thing to do. I'm glad he took it well, even if you haven't speak about it with him since your coming out. I hope EC will be able to provide you help and support to follow your journey. Take care
