This is my third time coming to this place but I now know my true nature. As prismaticlight I was a man trying to accept being a gay man. Honestly that label never quite fit for me. I have always known I was not totally straight but for some reason I felt the need to jump to the opposing pole. Upon leaving here I started a daily practice of zazen. Doing this has given me surprising clarity in viewing my true nature. Pan-sexuality makes so much sense to me. It fits everything I know about myself. My search for myself is over. Now I can get on with life.
glad you realize who you are. Personally I think pan-sexuals are the best but hey, just me. Anyway, warm welcome to EC.
Honestly I'm kinda a wimp about certain things. I wasn't willing to do the proper work with accepting myself. I really just got scared when I left this place the last time. I shared some of my deepest feelings here and for some reason that freaked me out. So I told myself I manipulated the situation to get attention. But honestly I know I could not have fooled so many good people into thinking I'm gay. If I really was lying there would have been a lot of huge holes that everyone could have easily noticed. So now I'm taking the small steps because my half-assed leaps were getting me nowhere. Honestly, for me, saying I'm pansexual is one of these steps. It is obvious to me what my big goal is. To be able to say I'm gay and smile while standing in a room full of people. I'm pretty sure if anyone remembers me they know who I am. I'm sorry for leaving this place so abruptly. I thought that this stuff would be easy for me but its hard finding yourself when you are so good at hiding. I now understand what people mean when they say you have to come out on your own time. Faking it does not work.
