Yeah, but really, I'm not sure if I want to. LESBIANS...where are you? I don't feel like I fit in with you. I fit in with gay men better, I've been a fag hag since my teenage years. I want to say how I feel but I don't know how to without making broad sweeping generalizations, so if I do, I don't really mean it. I'm not a feminist. I'm not, really. I don't believe that women are superior to men. I know that this sin't what feminism is about for many women, but I had to state how I feel. I love all people for different reasons, and in most situations I prefer having male friends. Aside from being attracted to women, I'm not a into...celebrating them, or female oriented things. I don't really identify with a LESBIAN lifestyle the culture just doesn't jive with me, I can't connect to it. I've known that I was gay since...probably 15, for sure, but I don't know if I can ever come out. I idenitfy with a bisexual "way of being", f this makes any sense, I'd like to think that I have the capacity to love anyone. I do have the capacity to love lots of different people, in different ways, but I am not attracted to men. Where are the lesbians like me? I feel like I fit in better with the bisexual women but I don't want to call myself one anymore, I've been doing it for 10 years. I didn't hate the relationships I had with men but I know that I could never marry one, or even live with one. They were like best friends, that I slept with. I know that there are lesbians who feel the way that I do but, are we rare? I'd just like to meet some, and then I could start to feel comfortable with this.
Firstly, Hi and welcome!! Secondly, "OMGWTFBBQ" is a great name!!! lol Thirdly, I'm a lesbian like you!!
Hi and welcome! What to your mind is a lesbian lifestyle? I think I have an idea, but I am not sure and don't want to write any senseless shite (more than I usually do... ;-)) I'd be the perfect heterosexual woman if I didn't happen to be lesbian. Most of my friends are female though, but I am thankful for every male friend I have: less complicated. ;-)
IDK what I mean, really, because I'm not even that much like most hetero women. I can't relate to them, either. I'm just not into SISTERHOOD, you know? Is that awful? I love everyone for different reasons. I also hate the expected buthc/femme roles. I guess I would fit into the femme category and I wouldn't want to date a butch woman, it's just not my thing. I know that there are other lesbians who feel this way, but am i kidding myself? Isn't it difficult to find femmes who want to be with femmes? I just can't imagine having my identity centered around being a lesbian. I know that some people do this because they are proud, and others get put into this box because of society. I don't want to feel like I'm losing my "options" as a hetero/bisexual(much easier for me because I only dated men, had some experience with women but was never out OUT about it) or at least the security that goes along with being SEEN as one, even if I knew that I wasn't ever going to settle down with a man. I know I can't have it both ways and I know some of this might even sound selfish but it's really how I feel, I'm just not that idealistic and I wonder if it might be more practical to stay somewhat closeted.
Hi there! Welcome to EC. There are a lot of stereotypes and generalizations surrounding gay women, just like there are surrounding gay men. Liking women doesn't mean you have to adopt a lifestyle you don't want. You don't have to worry about butch and femme roles or other roles unless you like the idea. I'm a lesbian, and I'm a college student. I play video games. I write and read and create art. I'm really not that different from my closest straight friends and bisexual friends.
Let's see: you are a woman, you like people, man or woman alike, but sexually you prefer women. You don't make a big fuzz about it and you rather hang out with men rather than with women. Also, you are not sure if coming out would be a good idea, because it is more practical to be in the closet. I don't know you, therefore I can only generalise and my ideas might be totally wrong. But for sure, I do not want to offend you, if I do, tell me and I'll apologize! But to me it sounds a bit like you don't really know what you want yet. I am not saying that you need to have some straight (in the proper sense) orientation. There is no rule book anyway, but still, at the same time, you are not really happy with it. You say if you had to, you would say you are rather femme. How does that work with the guys? Do they hit on you a lot, and if so, how do you deal with it inside? How does it make you feel? I am sorry, I am sort of trying to bring puzzle pieces together, hoping to help you with it, but I am not sure if I do. If not, tell me, and I'll stop immediately.
I really don't know what I want anymore. This whole thing has really pushed me off the deep end, honestly. I'm 26 and I guess I thought I would've had it all figured out by now. I am relatively femme, no over the top makeup, no skirts, no high heels but I still enjoy looking like a girl. Hair done, tight jeans and tight sweaters. Men do hit on me, most of the time I either ignore it or take it as a compliment, it can be somewhat flattering UNTIL it's one of my very good male friends that becomes interested. This has happened in the past and I dreaded when my close male friends started sending out signals, and become interested in me romantically. I shot down a couple of them, and our friendships eventually ended, which I hated. I agreed to date a few of them, I really didn't want to deep down but I really thought that I could LEARN to become attracted to them, since I already loved them as people and the respect and admiration were there. The relationships weren't horrible, but it was never *real*. I was a decent GF, I guess, but I can't feel *butterflies* or anything like that, even for a man that I'm extremely close to. I don't feel...bad, or anything, when random men flirt with me, but it does hurt when it's my close male friends, because I know that they don't see me as an equal, really. I always thought that I could have truly platonic, close friendships with men without being desired as a sexual object, and it just doesn't seem to work out. I actually feel really sad when this happens, not flattered at all, just like, they can't really see who I am. Feel free to ask me as many questions as you like, I may not make an awful lot of sense but I've been really been a headcase lately, and I haven't been able to find anyone to talk to who really gets it xD
I know exactly what you mean. I've had the same: close male friends suddenly having some sexual interest in me, ruining it all. Unfortunately for most men having a girl as an equal friend doesn't seem to work. When I was younger I had many more male friends, but as I've lost so many to the sex-monster (which obviously lives inside them), I've become more cautious. It's very stressful to make sure to keep it balanced: Be close to them, yet not intimate... But how about the women? How did it go with them so far?
I don't have many female friends. Most women think I'm kind of strange. the ones that I have had, I've been very close with, others don't seem to get me. There have been about 7 or 8 very close female friends in the past, maybe a few more. I became involved with one, sort of, but we decided that we were just best friends. I really, really loved her. I fooled around with others, which was great but it was just fooling around. I don't really get hit on by women often, and if I do it's usually by a very butch lesbian. I had a close butch lesbian friend in the past who was pretty relentless, eventually stopped hanging out because she would hound me, pretty much like a man would. Some women that I've been close with have asked me if I was gay and I said that I was bi in the past, I don't think they really believed me, I think that someone women do think that I'm gay, I just never get approached by any women that I'd want to be with. I usually crush on straight or bi girls, and the bi girls that I've crushed on were ultimately more interested in men.
Hey welcome to EC. I think first of all I would just like to say try not to stress or panic, these things will in time sort themselves out even though at the moment it doesnt seem like it. I am 28, I didnt come out or date a girl until I was 27, but now im out to most people and have an amazing girlfriend. I would say there have probably been people in the past that have known or suspected that I was gay some had it worked out long before I did, and some of my other friends had never thought it. When I came out to them I was very lucky and they were all very supportive but now im out to them nothing has changed, I havent sped of to the hairdressers to cut my hair really short, I havent started wearing mens clothes and I when I introduce myself I dont say 'Hi my name is Emily and I im a lesbian'. I didnt wear make up that much before and I dont wear it any more or less now, I am exactly the same person I was before. Thats not to say that there is anything wrong with having short hair or wearing mens clothes if that is who you are. I guess what im trying to say is even if you identify as a lesbian it doesnt change who you are in any way you will be exactly the same person. Sometimes I think some people think of butch masculine girls when they think of lesbians and camp feminine men when they think of gay guys but this isnt because there are more of them I think it is just because people can pick them out from the crowd sometimes. So really the only thing you need to work out is what you enjoy doing and how you feel most comfortable and then that is who you should be. As for not thinking you will meet anyone like you who wants to date someone like you, im sure if you look in the right places you will have a queue of people. Stick around EC and you will find there are plenty of girls who like girls like you, just as there are plenty who like butch girls. Feel free to chat to me anytime.
