Ugh... Hi?

So, I'm entirely new here. It feels odd...

So, Hi! It's nice to meet(?) anyone who actually looks at this I guess. I suppose I should just say a bit about myself?

Okay, in case you haven't derived that I am the type of person that is unsure about things, I suggest you review your comprehension of the classic "question mark". I struggle with a lot of stuff, and so, I am generally either a really nervous person or a really outgoing person. This is probably the most vulnerable I've felt in my life, so today, I may be switching back-and-forth between shy and outgoing a lot. Just to clarify before I go on.

So, I'm here for a pretty obvious reason; the latch on my closet door broke and I fell flat on my face and climbed up to the computer desk. Got sorta lonely in there... the Narnians are friendly, buuut, I don't think they like me much . But, I kinda feel like it's time to stop trying to fool myself I guess.

I'm nice, if that helps. I don't bite... hard. I think I use humor too much when I am scared. (Consider everything before this point a clue to how I am feeling). Apparently, I come across straight despite my involvement in drama, chorus, art, and my burning indifference for sports, which sorta explains why I never came out before now. Point is, I just want to have a place to talk to people I guess, because I talk to myself a lot (it's generally a one-sided conversation... luckily) and it would just be nice to, I dunno, NOT be what everyone else thinks I am? You know, be who I know I am, even if it doesn't conform to the classic views of society?

Thing is, I am here because I'm sick of hiding... aaand, the locksmith can't make it to my closet door for another week (It snows a lot on Vermont. Roads are dangerous.) Oh, and in case it's important, because I really couldn't answer it when signing up because I still feel strange saying it, I like guys. I don't know how I feel about girls, which is why I can't just say "gay", and yet, I don't know if there is enough there to be "bi", so maybe that is what I hope to figure out here before I can really "come out" to the 'rents. If I knew for sure, I'd be willing to have that talk I guess.

Anyway, it's nice to meet you guys. I hope you smiled at least once while reading this (because making people laugh is how I break the ice), and hopefully I get a reply because if I don't, that "alone" feeling is a pesky bug. Seems to sneak up on me when nobody is around. Go figure.

 

Ha, wow. Thanks for liking my personal brand of insanity (it's he only thing that keeps me from going nuts :icon_wink ). Anyway, it's cool to find out that this isn't some forum that you post on only to never receive a single reply or email making you feel as though you are plunging into a void of insecurity and fear from which the only thing you can think to do is "bump" the thread. Nah, doesn't seem like that at all.

(As a side note... it's aaaalso the kind of forum that you can post on in the dead of night only to return less than 12 hours later and find 50 people have already read your deepest darkest secret other than the one that saying you still carry around a security blanket.... WHICH I DONT!)

Anyway, glad my intro impressed some of you guys. Made me feel special :icon_bigg . Now, if only I could manage to actually bring myself to post for the reason I joined; to get some help with serious stuff (I am SO bad at serious. The Animaniacs are my idols, and if any of you guys remember them, you know they are insane and hilarious. Aaaand, a little bit perverted for a children's show which is why I am glad I just got all three box sets to view as a teenager so I can learn what "Goodnight Everybody!" really meant.)

 

So far, you are my favorite.

 

Wow, never expected this many people. Ha, it's weird to be seen I guess. Ironic considering I am in a lot of performing arts. Honestly, even if it's just typing, I am feeling a lot less afraid of you guys for some reason. Mom told me never to talk to strangers... woops. (Then again, she also said I should be looking around for a nice girl. Guess my inner rebel's showing)

Anyway, I'd like to get to know you guys I guess. See, I am in Vermont, so it's not like I am in the most homophobic state, but I ironically feel different from all of the openly-out kids at my school too. (All the kids at my school who are out are the obvious type; they make it known that they are and they let it govern their personalities and wardrobes. Thing is, I'm not like that, and I'm not going to change to fit in with them, but at the same time, because of that, I don't feel safe talking to them either... or my friends. In my school, it's like you are EXPECTED to join the stereotype, and I just am not like that.) That being said, it's nice to meet you guys. I've never actually talked to anybody going through the same thing as me.... well, besides one friends who came out exclusively to me when I told him (but people suspect him to be in the closet anyway...). I just feel sorta different talking here. In a good way. Perhaps its that none of you can identify me, and yet you know this part about me more than 99% of the people I know in real life. Well, if nothing else, I promise a few chuckles here and there.