Hello Everybody, I'm a bit late finding you all here on EC but I finally made it! I'm 46, married, two kids. And Gay! Oh it feels so good to say that out loud!! To cut a long story short I have more or less sorted things out within myself after a lifetime of confusion, denial, realisation, resignation and finally recognition. I at last acknowledge who and what I am. And it feels so liberating and like a big weight off my shoulders. I have one more hurdle to jump, telling my wife that she has been married to a gay man for the last 18 years. I plan to do it this weekend, or next. I have to chose my moment carefully. I know what I want to say and how to say it. A big step into the unknown. I hope I can sort this out without hurting my loved ones too much. Not sure what will happen after I tell her. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks x
Welcome to EC, hope we can help you in any way we can. Good luck on coming out, I'm sure it'll be tough, but stay strong. There are a lot of guys here in the same position as you, so you might benefit from some advice on their part, or just from reading their stories. (Feel free to chime in, my ex-married ex-heteros.) :lol: Do you have any plans for what you intend to do after you tell your wife? What do you imagine your future to be?
Hi, welcome : ) Hopefully your wife will understand you, cause it definitely couldn't have been easy for you to come to terms with yourself. I bet she'll still love you and I think you shouldn't over worry about this. We people at this forum will support you no matter what, so come here and feel free to chitchat or help others or come for advice : )
Hello. Welcome to EC! I don't really have any advice on how to come out to your wife (sorry), but I wish you the best of luck in doing so. (Please let us know how it goes!)
Hey thanks everybody for your kind words and welcome. Sorry for this delayed reply. I've been rather busy today. You see today, I CAME OUT TO MY WIFE!!! ...and she has been great and cool with it!!! Early days yet, still a lot to sort out but Phew!, what a relief!!
Congratulations from another formerly married guy with kids. Once you get through this transition period, life as a gay guy can be really great! Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help
Thanks again everybody! Still all going well here, she is very supportive and understanding, it's great. It's such a weight of my mind, a life long thing I could never admit or be open about. It's only taken me 46 years! Better late than never :icon_bigg:icon_bigg
Thanks for posting! I am married 36 and gay. I feel horrible about it as I have held this back from myself and everyone else. I really appreciate hearing your story. It is just starting to feel good to come out to myself...but telling everyone else will be a different story.
Hi there! Oh you sound just like me! I'm 10 years older than you so please don't wait so long to get things sorted. Only you will know when you are ready to come out but it sounds like you are starting to get there. I spent YEARS of confusion and denial and trying to bury my head in the sand. Of course the feelings build up and up and never go away and eventually I came out to myself, said "I AM GAY!" to myself in the bathroom mirror, even had a smile on my face. That was a revelation in itself and I felt so good to finally acknowledge it and feel able to start moving on. It has taken me a year to get things sorted in my head, and there were a lot of ups and downs. I was so scared of the unknown of what would happen after I told my wife. Eventually I just broke down, I couldn't hold it in any more, when she asked what was wrong it all just came out of me, along with lots of tears! I can only speak about my wife's reaction but she was BRILLIANT. She more or less said "Is that all?!!, I thought you were going to tell me you were seriously ill or something!!". I was so surprised and relieved. Still a lot of talking to do and coming to terms with it for us both. Her main concern was for the future, but I have reassured her that I still love her, I want to be best friends forever and I will always stick around close by to support her and the kids whatever else happens. She even laughed and said that when I get round to dating she will be wanting to check him out and make sure he's a nice guy for me lol. Also bear in mind that the thought of coming out to everyone can be overwhelming. But you don't have to come out to everyone all at once. I think maybe your wife is the most important one and deserves to know first. Then take your time and see how you both feel about telling other people. I used to worry about what others would think and that was a major block to me. Until I told myself that if any family/friends/colleagues can't or won't accept that the guy they knew and loved all these years has now had the courage to be true to himself and come out proudly as gay, well... they can go away (used the polite term there lol) and we will not bother each other again. I don't want to be with their negative bigoted, ignorant attitudes and I certainly can't deal with it for them. Take small steps, be brave and good luck. It's worth it in the end. Please ask me anything you want, if my experience can help someone else I would be very happy. Chin up, keep smiling, you are not alone (*hug*)
Almostthere, Thanks so much for you very kind words. I am in a lot of turmoil but I am starting to realize that holding it inside won't make it better. I am heading to a gay men's coming out group tonight...Although i have to make up an excuse to tell my wife. I don't like lying. I have never been with a man but I have thought about it a lot since at least high school. I do think my wife will be devastated. We have built a lot together. She likely has no idea. I am quite masculine and nobody would think of me as gay. But we never have sex anymore.... In any case, I appreciate the support.(*hug*)
Hey! I thought my wife would be devastated, but she isn't. She had no idea about me either, I too am very masculine. We are good at hiding it eh? It's early days yet but we are talking and I think everything is going to be OK. We didn't have sex for about 8 years! I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. Be brave, you'll get there mate xx
