Hey! Finally decided to register! :)

I found Empty Closets during my last summer holiday but I was afraid to register. I was just reading what other people was writing, but now I've come up with some ideas that I'd like to discuss with the community. I hadn't registered myself yet because I was afraid of protecting my personal identification.

Now let's talk about me. I'm 19, studying at university and I live in Lisbon, Portugal (so you'll have to excuse me for any spelling mistake I might eventually make). I found out I was gay when I was 15 or 16 and it was very difficult for me to accept it. At that time, I met a guy who was gay and I started realising we had a lot in common. At first, when he told he was gay, I felt disgusted. I'd never met a gay guy before and I remember I felt very weird. I think I was homophobic until then, probably because of my education and my country's culture. I stopped to think and I realised that he was a wonderful person and I did't have the right to judge him or anything just because of his sexual orientation. He was still the nice guy I had met and he became one of my best friends since then. He helped me a lot when I felt confused, and he still helps me whenever I need.

The first person that I came out to was my best friend (the other friend I told you about doesn't count because he was the one who helped understand that I was gay). I was afraid of telling my best friend, but I knew she would support me no matter what. Since I was little, kids at school used to tease me and say that I was gay. I always felt very bad about it and I used to cry. I had no support of any friend until I went to Secondary School, where I made new friends for real. After telling my best friend, she helped me coming out to our closests friends. I started feeling more confident about myself and now I was able to be the person I never had the chance to be.

As I told you before, I'm now studying at university. I opted not to tell my colleagues because I don't want to feel discriminated by them and then I could have problems in my working environment. For some reason, I feel I can't still trust them, so I just came out to some other friends I made there that I know I can trust.

Now, the most important part... My parents! I haven't told them, as I don't feel comfortable to talk about my sexuality with them. When I found out, I thought I could trust in my mum, but she revealed to be homophobic more recently, so I don't trust her anymore. On the other hand, the relationship with my dad got better, but I can't tell what's his opinion about gay people. I'm almost sure that my parents know that their only son is gay (I guess they always know it), but they're always trying to avoid this idea and they don't talk about it. They never ask me, though they tell me things that make me think they already know. My mum, for instance, has already told me things like "see how a wife is so important in a house?!" and she sometimes tells very prejudiced comments about gay people. Sometimes she reminds me of Hitler when she says "Gay people should all be castrated or exterminated," or "They will always be frustrated and they aren't faithful in their relationships." She always talks about the diseases and all the stuff homophobic people do talk about too. About my dad, I can't say much because he has never expressed his opinion about gay people, but he gives me the impression that he's more tolerant. Anyway, sometimes I feel I should tell them, while others I just think that they've got nothing to do with my life. I'm afraid of their reaction and I'm always trying to hide it. I hate to live in a constant lie. I feel forced to lie to them when I want to hang out with my gay friends (that they don't know that exist) or when I want to go out at night to some gay clubs with my friends. I've already had some relationships with some guys and it was very hard to hide it from them and still be able to be with these guys. I'm living my life as if I was doing something illegal, but I don't want to tell them until I graduate. I have no means to support myself economically right now and you never know what would be their reaction.

Well, and this is pretty much my story. I have some more things I'd like to add, but I'll do it on other topics of this forum. Thank you so much for taking your time reading this.

 

Welcome! I'm sorry that coming out to your family is proving to be so difficult for you...I don't really have any good advice on the matter, but everyone here is really cool and helpful, so someone else might. I just joined up recently and now am starting to feel comfortable. I hope you will too!

 

Wow quite the intro

You'll be surprised how easy coming out becomes once you start posting around this site . But remember don't do anything until you are ABSOLUTELY ready.

 

Hi and welcome to EC!

Wow, quite an interesting read! Hopefully, things will go smoothly for you in time.

 

Hi and welcome to EC
Thanks for having shared your journey so far with us. Make yourself at home and see you around
Take care, Cécile

 

Aww, thank you all for your responses! Coming out to my parents isn't the main reason why I joined EC. I'll tell them when I feel ready, if I'm really sure I want to do it.

 

Hey, I was wondering were all us Portuguese had gotten to! Well, half-Luso, in my case Welcome to the forums from another newbie!

 

Oh, awesome! Were you born in Portugal? Do you still live here?

 

Hullo, and Welcome to EC.
And the not being faithful in relationships is a misconception your mother harbour's, so be understanding... We all have them.

 

Thanks! Yes, you're right and I understand her point of view about same sex relationships. Even I wonder sometimes about the veracity of these relations, taking the relationships I had with other guys as an example... :/

 

Nah, I was born in England, but I've lived here for 10 years now. I also think the culture is plenty sexist and too clingy to old-fashioned values to allow a mainstream acceptance of our gayness, but there are worse places for a gay guy to live

 

Oh, awesome! Why did you come to live in Portugal? I'd love to live in England and I know I will, one day. Yes, Portugal is not that bad. People might judge you, but they can't do anything about it. If you're OK with it, that it's fine for you. There are worse countries to live, like some countries in Africa where it's illegal to be gay.

 

I came to Portugal out of economic issues we were having at the time. Trust me, England isn't that great. I plan on moving to Canada in the future, a nice private psychotherapy practice and a house with a white picket fence, a gorgeous husband, a couple of kids and a dog. You always need a dog

 

I've already been to London and I just loved it. I loved that culture and the city/lifestyle. I'd really love to live there. But we'll see...

 

I'm obviously more of a housewife than you, then

 

Hahaha, probably. :lol:

 

Hey welcome to EC.

 

Thanks! (*hug*)

 

You're welcome I hope you find lots of help, support, fun and friends here as we all have.

 

your english is better than many native speakers' =)

and welcome!