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Intro confusion of identity of gendr or sexual orientation?

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by pink4me, Apr 23, 2011.

  1. pink4me

    pink4me Guest

    Hi,


    I'm sorry that I don't have any personal informaiton on my profile cause I'm legally blind and cannot find everything yet! I just thought I'd throw that disclaimer out there and the site isn't the easiest yet for me to navigate! Well, I'm 25 years old in college with a fiance and I happen to be a guy. However, I am in therapy/counseling about gender identity questions that inevediably talk about sexual orientation. So, I'm trying to see if my past thoughts of the same gender/sex are gender identity questions or not?

    Basically, I've had some bad stuff happen to me just was seeing what long term homosexuals or rather bisexuals think about these issues as they relate to legitament or just purely curosity scape goats to my stress. Currently I've been obtaining more and more feminin traits like maintenance of my body (e.g. shaving my legs, arm pits, privates, etc as well as doing my fingernails and toenails as well. I'm adopting feminin traits of behavior such as
    1. putting my knees together in public
    2. putting my leg over the other in public
    3. saying "See ya" in a feminin voice
    4. saying "Never" or "always" like definants my fiance thinks are only woman territority
    5. saying "fine" in an argument
    6. singing feminin songs better than my fiance. note: Evvannessance, Brttiney Spears, Dido, Abba, Gwen Steffany, Lita Ford, etc come to mind
    7. being self-concous of my feelings and appearance in public
    8. talkign bad about men in stereotypes like the praises such as boldness, muscularity, smell, dominance, etc. On the other hand, the negatives like lack of feelings, dirtyness, and etc.
    9. getting secret girlfreidns on the internet to avoid my fiance to talk about girly things (e.g. maintenance, etc or like being on here cause she doesn't approve of me expressing my feminin side.
    10. talking about past experiences with sexual objects (won't speak of here) and of experimentation with myself (won't speak) tahat are typical traits attributed to homosexuals or are sympathetic to their plight
    11. supporting civil unions even though I used to be a christian, etc
    12. sexually fantasizing about the same sex continously for lik six months and all.
    13. finally, confrontations with my fiance drove me to this place to see other opinions about things. Recently the day or so we the misses and I got into a heated argument. I basically admited that I was a homosexual even though I was drunk and beleagerant and she thought of me as a ghost.

    In conclusion, thanks for reading this lengthy reply for background information for your reference. I've got more to share just feels venting it. I have taken many surveys online about femininity and masculinnity and understand they don't coorilate with sexxual orientaiton but in my case it does. I mean to say that I think of myself as a feminin sensitive submissive at heart but my fiance wants a starkness in the relationship with me being dominant or manly not feminin. She thinks that I'm having psychological issues from recently revealing that I was raped at the age of ten by a former neighbor in Texas. Well, I had other experiences in neighboring stawtes and missed out on regretable experiences with freidns that I have remorse over if you know what I mean. Also, iI love crossdressing like I feel more secure, wanted, loved, beautiful, sexy, desired, and moe with myself. Thanks for the posts and please no picture references as I use a screen reader.

    cordially,
    Peter (a.k.a Amber Marie in the deep south (near Georgia)
     
  2. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Hi Peter. Welcome to EC from Jim in Toronto.

    Leaving most other things aside for now, I'd say that the preoccupation with the same sex is reason enough to consider the possibility that you're gay or transgendered. And the fact that this has only become an issue in the last 6 months or so doesn't necessarily mean anything. I didn't come out to myself as gay, or to my wife of 9 years, until I was in my mid thirties, even though there were signs earlier on in my life that I likely wasn't straight.

    I still have many masculine traits, but the more I get comfortable with my homosexuality, the more I don't worry about some of the things that would suggest that I'm gay. Other things I've just always done - like sing at the top of my lungs to Cher or ABBA or Erasure.

    I'm happy to hear that you're in therapy to work through these and other issues. Having a counsellor was critical for me when I was working through questions about my orientation, and how to communicate effectively with my wife at the time.

    Good luck. Keep coming back here to Empty closets - doing that will help you feel more comfortable with yourself, regardless of what you end up identifying as. And again, welcome.