My story in short..

Welcome to EC! Hmm that looks a bit tough from my point of view, but you can get through it as long as you communicate properly. EC is a wonderful place to get advice and meet people just like you. Trust me just ask for the help/advice you need and there will be more than enough responses and different takes on the situation to clarify it......we're here for you as long as you want us here. Welcome to EC(&&&)

 

The abuse has nothing to do with who you are attracted to now. I think you have a very understanding wife and as long as you keep on telling her how much you love her (and lust her!), things are going to be fine.

 

first off, welcome to EC

second, u didn't ask for anything and nothing is your fault. the abuse was this man's fault and ur being bi is just who u are. know this.

i look forward to chatting w/ u in the future!

 

Hi, and welcome to EC.

The abuse you suffered as a child has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with your homosexuality today. What that perverted paeodophile did is sick and has certainy had all sorts of negative effects on your life but your sexuality is something that comes from within. No one can make you homosexual (or bi sexual in your case) or stop you being if you are.

I look forward to chatting to you soon.:icon_bigg

 

I agree - I don't think anyone 'asks' for abuse or creates the enviroment for abuse to occur. And I don't think your experience would have set you up to be the way you are either.

Open an honest communication with your wife is key in your situation. Don't take your experiences with other men any farther without talking to your wife about it. If you're not sure how to do that, then working with a therapist or family counsellor would be great. It really has helped me come to an understanding of what I needed out of my life!

Good luck!

 

Hello and Welcome to emptly closets!!

I completely agree with who already said that being abused has nothing to do with your sexuality at all.
And you definitely no need to feel you have something to do with him abused you or other kids. It's totally his fault. So please don't feel it's your fault or anything.
(*hug*) (*hug*)

Hope to see you around :smilewave

 

The answer to your question would be yes, you would still be bi. From recent studies (there's a great thread about this in another section of the board explaining what scientists believe causes homosexuality), it appears that it is literally hard-wired into the brain at birth. Most gay men (not sure about bi men) have a "feminized" brain in which different centers of the brain respond differently than straight men. From these studies, I would have to say that no matter what might or might not have happened as a child, you would have still developed an attraction toward the same sex in the end.

However, I believe that the sexual abuse as a child may have actually stunted this attraction due to the fear and self-loathing you're obviously going through about the experience. Instead of coming to terms with this part of yourself earlier, it hasn't manifested until later because of the mental trauma from your childhood. Now, I'm not a doctor or anything, but that's my best explanation.

 

It sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and consideration. But it is obviously not an easy issue to deal with. One thing to keep in mind is that if you are abused as a kid it doesn't matter what gender you are, they are, or what sexual orientation you have or they have. If they are in a position of with power over you, whether that is age or size or social influence it is abuse. For instance if he had done the same thing to a girl it would have been equally wrong. Many people who have been abused come to a point where they blame themselves or question if it is something they did. Although it seems very unlikely that there is anything you could have done as a kid to draw that on yourself, even if you had it does not in any way excuse someone with any sort of power or influence over you to manipulate the situation to abuse you.

 

first off welcome to EC!! your story sounds alot like my best frien who i came out to he is Bi and is confused on alot of things the way i see it is that being bi is even harder than being gay at times because it's not just one set thing for me i know i love men there is no physical attraction to women at all and that is that, but for you things are very confusing just hang in there:eusa_danc :eusa_danc

 

Pardon me while I get on my soap box...

Personally, I have benefited GREATLY from getting counselling from a therapist. I think that if you haven't tried this already, that you should really consider it. EC is a great site - it has helped me a lot too! But you probably need a bit more than this to work through these conflicting (and very valid!) feelings. You owe it to yourself and to your wife to work through them - once and for all.

As mentioned above, it does sound like you've given this a lot of thought. Good on ya! It's natural to have questions. I wondered "am I really gay, or did I just feel better cheating on my wife with other men rather than other women?" In hindsight, that was denial talking. If I was straight and was inclined to cheat on my wife - I would have cheated with other women! Lots of men do (unfortunatly). But I could only accept that I was gay in time, and when I was ready. You'll come to your own realizations and acceptance when YOU are ready.

Good luck. And stick around - this is a great site to share these kinds of issues.

 

A little late, but welcome to EC.

 

I completely relate to the complexities of the bisexuality question.

I've found that raising one's bisexuality issue with female partners (where I've sensed a potential openness to discussing it), that it's been very rewarding.

I agree with one of the earlier posters who suggested that exploring the issue of abuse in a therapeutic setting may be a rewarding experience. I think it's hard to know exactly what role that's played in your (or anyone's) development without the help of a trained professional. I'm not familiar with the scientific literature, but I'm not entirely sure there's a hard and fast corollary between having been abused and one's sexual preferences. I, too, was abused (by a female babysitter) and that hasn't thrust me in one direction or the other. And I've never actually considered it in the light of my (present) bisexuality.
In fact I am about to resume therapy to deal with some issues as it relates to my own sexuality and just reading this thread and responding reminds me that this is something that I should deal with as well.

I think your consideration of sharing your discovery with your wife is a courageous one. Just facing up to one's issues to bring someone to place of being at peace with themselves is, and to bring complete honesty to a relationship is, in itself brave. Keep searching, you'll find the answer.