Hi everyone - I joined in hope to meet and talk with others coming to accept their sexuality. I'm married, but having struggling with my same-sex attractions. When i was a kid, My family was very homophobic, as were those around me. I was therefore very scared about my homosexual feelings. Puberty was particularly tough so I buried myself further in the closet. I focused on liking girls, but the attraction was never as strong. I finally had sex with a man in college, but was so scared I never went back to him. I met my wife, whom I love, and decided I could live with my feelings. I was wrong, and I'm trying to find a way to resolve these things. I hope some of you would like to discuss my issue, but I'm not selfish and look forward to talking to everyone about their concerns, successes, and life. Cheers!
Many people have the same problem as you have. But a lot of people decide to keep up the facade for the rest of their lives. I can only imagine how much it destroys them inside. So, the first thing to say is congratulations for getting here in the first place. Welcome to the forum Are you sexually attracted to your wife and are you sexually attracted to any other women you see? Does your wife know anything about this?
Hey, there. We sound sort of similar. I just posted an Intro in the Support forum. Tell me if any of that rings a bell with you. A gay friend told me that, as a society, we think of sexuality in black and white terms, whereas it's really more of a spectrum. So I'm not really worried about finding a label to attach to myself, just trying to make sure that I'm honest with myself, instead of suppressing things because a religion or society at large told me it's not OK. I'm just at the beginning of the process myself, but I can tell you it feels really good to get it out to someone. My wife is totally supportive, which is great, and I have a gay friend that has helped me quite a bit, but I decided to start some talk therapy and telling a total stranger, even if it was in a confidential setting, had a big impact. Just a suggestion...
Hi cs -thanks for the welcome. Wife doesn't know. I hide well. As for attraction to women, yes. But not the same charge as thinking about men. But there is a part of me that immediately damps down my homosexual arousal out of habit. Even watching gay porn I'm both aroused and fearful. Weird eh?
Hey welcome to EC, im not in your position but there are lots of people here that are so dont worry you are never alone.
Hi guys and thanks for replies. Regarding my sexual attraction. Despite trying to want women, and enjoying sex, and despite trying to push away my gay feelings, I still get more of a charge from gay sex. My wife doesn't know, and would be crushed. Am looking at therapy, but want to speak with people in similar situation too. ---------- Post added 10th Jun 2011 at 09:43 AM ---------- Silver halo-thanks. As I said, also lookiing to meet people With other backgrounds. Cheers ---------- Post added 10th Jun 2011 at 09:47 AM ---------- Realized I seem like a depressed guy, am not. And feel so blissful when I think about who I really am. Just trying tinwork out some issues and learn from everyone here!
Heyo, welcome to EC! We've had many people come here after digging up some homosexual feelings while married. I'm sure that if you headed over to Support and Advice and searched you could find a few. Feel free to post your own thread there, as well. I hope you can find the answers you are looking for here!
Welcome to EC! You are in a tough situation, but luckily you are far from alone and most people that are in your situation have been able to come out of it with a happy ending If you want, you can start a thread about it on the support forum and that way you can get more replies from members that have been or are in your situation.
Hey Shadow, Up until a few years ago I was in your same position, so I can empathize with a lot of the conflicts and challenges you face. In folks in a conflicted situation like this, there can definitely be an inverse relationship between arousal and anxiety. Shutting down or suppressing a normal, healthy part of yourself may not be the best coping strategy (effective as it may have been till now). Not only because of the internal damage it can do your psyche - but also because stuffing your feelings down inside you, or shutting them off, is really pretty imperfect. And they tend to manifest themselves in other ways in your life in less than ideal circumstances. Sounds like maybe you've already started to see some of this? James
Yeah, i did try to repress and bury my feelings like you did. I guess i'm kind of weak, i couldn't handle it for more than 1 year, you did it for ...almost an entire life i guess? well, for me It was a hell. But i made the best choice by accepting who i was, and what i liked. You definetely made the best choice by trying to understand that and deal with it. I'm still very young, so...i can't give you an advice about your current situation. I just wanted to say that you might really be in the right way, like i said, trying to understand and accept that, is already a big step! Good luck
Hi there. I'm just seeing this now - sorry I'm a week late to the party. Have a look for my threads. I was married for 9 years, had 2 kids, and at 36 came out to my wife as gay. It wasn't pretty, but it was the best thing for all of us in the long run. I was miserable and so conflicted inside that I had become impossible to live with. Again - have a look through my threads. They chronical my experiences over the past 4 years. Also - feel free to PM me if you want to chat more one on one. I'd write more but I have to run now. Take care!
