Hi Everyone, Although I always enjoy reading other peoples' introductions, I hate writing my own. Is that odd? I'm James. When I was thirty I came out to my wife. Having read some other posts here, it's reassuring to find out I'm not the only one with that sort of experience. I guess I'm here looking for thoughts/experiences/guidance/companionship while navigating what are, for me anyway, some pretty difficult waters. I am very happy to have found this site. James
Welcome to the forum How did coming out to your wife go for you? And how far do you feel you have progressed since then?
Hi James, and welcome to Empty Closets! Glad you have joined the site and found it already to be helpful. As you have read, there are a few 'older' members on here too who have gone through a similar experience. Congratulations on coming out to your wife, which must have been a pretty difficult step for you to take. (*hug*) Welcome aboard!
Hey Everyone. Thank you for the warm welcome. Cpl - It actually went much better than I thought it would. In broad brush strokes I'd always had an inkling about my attractions but, for a whole host of reasons, me being gay "wasn't possible" or was "confusion" or ...etc. *repeatedly sleeping with guys should have been a clue* LOL Anyway, I finally accepted I was gay about 6 or 8 months before I told her. Those were probably the worst months of my life. I didn't know what was going to happen, what this meant for my life, the house the job, the picket fence the 2.5 kids. Well, We were sitting on the couch one night watching TV and she turned to me and said "what's with you? you've been worried about something for a long time. What is it?!" or something like that. I took the plunge and told her I was gay. She laughed!! Which was not the reaction I was expecting. Then she said, "oh my god, you're serious!" then she started crying (more along the lines of the reaction I was expecting ) then I started crying. Thankfully there wasn't much anger or anything. Just lots of confusion. We're still working it out - though we're on our way to getting a divorce. Mirko - Ugh. I have to get used to 34 being REALLY old, don't I? ;-) Haha. James
Welcome to EC! Congrats on coming out to your wife. I imagine that has to be one of the hardest coming outs that one can experience so really awesome that you were able to go through with it and even better that your wife didn't react horribly
Thanks Ed(?) It was pretty tough, and continues to be really challenging. Honestly, while I was worried about my feelings to some extent, my real concern was for her; how devastating it might for her. The really shitty part of coming out to a spouse is (at least from my perspective) for you its a relatively positive experience. You're admitting who you are, you're (potentially) moving on to a more fulfilling and honest life. And your spouse doesn't necessarily see it as the positive experience you do mainly because of (1) a sense of betrayal (2) a sense of loss (3) a sense rejection even. Luckily she was happy that I was able to be honest (finally) and, like I said, we're working on the other issues. James
:lol: On a more serious note, I am glad that your wife took it well (relatively speaking) and it sounds like that you will still be friends after everything has been finalized. That is the best outcome. I think there will be more ups and downs, questions and concerns but it sounds like that things will be okay. I'd say that you can safely take out the (potential) before moving on to a more fulfilling and honest life. Being honest with yourself and with the people around you, and even though it can be really hard, is already moving towards a more fulfilling life.
Mirko, I agree. There's been some really difficult stuff to deal with between us emotionally (and practically - we own property together, etc.). But, even though I've had my ups and downs I wouldn't trade being honest with myself and her to go back to a comfy - but stifling and horribly lonely and depressing - existence. I wish I'd come out a lot earlier in life, but for me that just wasn't possible. I did it when I could, and I'm a much happier person for having done it. James
Hi James, i am realy glad things worked out between you and your spouse. I know how very difficult it must have been doing this to some one you have shared a part of your life with and having children. This must also be equaly hard on the children as well. I know from experience (not my own but through friends of my parents') that something like this can be as devistating earth shattering as an earthquake. The person i know did not have it this lucky. His wife could never come to terms with it, took the children and moved to a different country. There she took out a court order to stop him from ever contacting the children in anyway. This was realy hard on him as he realy loved the kids, even came to the point of committing suicide a couple of times. But as time went on, his pain grew a little bit less, with the help of his new husband. What realy made him turn a new leaf and live a better life is that the kids also loved him very much and end up contacting him through their friend's computer on the internet. After the first kid reached the age of 18, she moved back to her home town and now lives only a few blocks from her father. His son choose to stay in the country where he is but he now visit his father every second holiday from college. It did take 10 years for him to get to where he is now since he came out to his wife. I know that you know there are worst circumstances out there, but atleast yours and this guy's have a happy ending.
Thanks Thylvin, Like I said, it's still a "work in progress" for us but I'm confident that we'll get through it just fine - most likely with a pretty darn good friendship still intact too. James
