Hi, I'm new and I'm completely straight and yet I'm oddly in the closet in a different way. I'll say more about it later in the advice forum, but the basic gist is I'm new to having gay friends, one in particular is becoming more of a close friend. I've known her for several months, and finally had her and her partner over for coffee and cake with me and my wife and some other mutual friends. They stayed late after everyone else left like I sorta figured they might, hoped they would. She sent a pretty late text afterward that night to say how much they enjoyed it. The trouble is I'm in a strange and somewhat confusing spot in terms of our friendship. She knows I go to church, and probably has figured out that it's definitely a Christian church (she's a pretty smart gal), and she may or may not suspect that I hold some conservative theological views that mean, well, I don't know exactly what for our relationship. I'm very careful not to throw it in her face, and I certainly don't intentionally hide it either, but I'm not exactly the Ned Flanders type who can't fit into a normal population, and so I don't know what she's gathered about what I believe. I know it's not an easy belief. It certainly hasn't been so for me, but it is what I believe (I've explored other options, and so far no changes). So, I'm here to explore what's the best way to continue to be myself with a friend, when things about me may actually be directly offensive to her. I don't know. I'm hopeful. Understand, I don't see her as my personal conversion project, I'm not spying out tips on how to turn her (I'm not terribly dumb either), I just want to know the best way to be me around her and how to love my friend and not be hurtful to her. So anyway, for introductions this is pretty long, but I've got some commitments I want to make (help me?) as part of my introduction, too. I'm not going to argue. I'm here to ask, listen, maybe clarify if you need me to in order to help me, I guess share if you have questions, but not if you don't, and definitely not anything that harms the community's "safe place" guidelines, be totally real and absolutely not BS, and mostly learn so that I can be a good friend, even if I do have a ridiculously foolish set of beliefs. If there's anything else I should consider holding myself to while on these forums (yes I checked the code of conduct, I'm on board), feel free to let me know. Thanks for listening. I'll pop back in later with some questions. Sincerely, J.
Hey welcome to EC. I think you dont have to worry too much about being a good friend to your gay friend, the fact you had her and her partner over for coffee and cake and that you are here trying to get advice in themselves prove that you are a great friend. As far as I see it, the fact you still want to be friends with her and that you dont want to try and change her mean that you can still have a friendship with her without hiding your religous beliefs.
Heyo, welcome to EC! I think it's gret that you are actively seeking advice on how to become a more accepting friend to your friends! Post for a while, read some threads. I'm sure that with a little time you'll come to understand what it is you want to learn.
you can be a perfectly good friend and be religious the two are not mutually exclusive My questions would be 1) Do your personal beliefs involve the idea that homosexuality is a sin, or something like that? If so i'd advise you to look at some threads and other internet sources as to what the bible really has to say about being gay because there really is no solid biblical argument against being LGBT 2) Are you simply worried that any talk of religion will offend her because she doesn't believe? If so don't be worried, just be yourself and stick with the christian thing, and be christ like because no one can complain if your modeling yourself after him effectively 3) Do you know if your friend is religious or not. She could believe similar things and simply not be as involved as you are in it all.
Just what others have said, you dont have to worry about not being a good friend to your LGBT friends because, just by searching this forum, and looking for advice makes you a wonderful person, and an ally. I would like to reemphasize what Beachboi said. His second bullet mentions you being yourself. That is an important thing. Its very important to be true to yourself. If she is one of your close friends I am sure your veiw on religion might not be important. I mean I do not identify with any religion but my best friend and my sister are both very involved in religion. The do not push it on me and we accept each others differences. His last point is also of value. Just because your friend is a lesbian doesnt mean she doesnt go to church or isnt religious. There are many threads on here dealing specifically with religion and the bible. There are many churches in the United States that are LGBT friendly. Who knows she may attend one. One thing you said, are you saying this because you believe that your beliefs are ridiculous or that you are assuming someone here will feel that way? As for your concern about the rules here and the code of conduct. I am sure if you dont say anything hateful you will be okay. Most of the people here on EC are open minded and respect peoples opinions. As a conclusion to my rambled response, I think you should just talk to your friend and explain to her your religious views and how you are not trying to push it on her but something may slip on occasion but its important that she knows you are not trying to convert her. Its just like coming out and if you and her are close she shouldnt mind your religious preference unless of course your were like "homosexuality is a sin, and for that you must be prayed to be straight and if that fails you must be stoned to death." Please dont be offended by my signature if you disapprove.
Welcome to EC! I'm just going to tell you that you are being a pretty awesome friend just by taking the time to join and seek help on how to handle the situation the best way possible. The above posts have already touched many things to keep in mind so I'll try to keep this short. What I don't completely understand is what exactly do you think you could say to offend her or make her uncomfortable? Do you believe that homosexuality is morally wrong? If so, I would recommend you watch a few things just to start you thinking on the topic. Of course, none of these things are intended to change your mind, but only to show you other views on it. The first thing I would recomend for you to check out is the story of Kathy Baldock who is a straight ally and who is also very religious. Her story is actually very similar to yours. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yN7MUObEZfg[/YOUTUBE] The other one, and probably my favorite one, is For the Bible Tells Me So. Its a pretty awesome documentary that touches on how some churches interpret the bible when it comes to homosexuality. It also shows various examples of other religious families dealing with their children coming out to them so it might be able to help you answer many questions. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajBR0dq0XXk[/YOUTUBE] The last one is Through My Eyes which is also a documentary about the strugle that many LGBT people have with their own faiths and it examines their take on the issue. Nothing more and nothing less. Its a pretty good one to watch if you want to find out what LGBT religious people feel about the whole issue without any other opinions but theirs. [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBMbNSyqwkA[/YOUTUBE] Hope they help answer some of your questions and if not then just ask away
Hey there. You seem like a very interesting guy. I hope you stick around Its extremely difficult to know whether to hold back or to speak out when you meet someone who you strongly disagree with in some way. How big of an issue is this for you? Do you feel as if you are going to burst out at her any minute or do you easily forget about it all once you get talking to her? Do you have sleepless nights over this etc?
¡Welcome! Looks like you are already being a great friend to her; you don't judge her or look down on her, you are happy to be with her and her partner, you treat her normally. Remember that when Jesus came to Earth, he hung out with the outcasts of society, who were hated by the religious leaders.
