Hello everyone! I sort of introduced myself in the support forum first accidentally, so I thought I'd be a bit of a ditz & introduce myself here again! My name is Kiersten & I am a transgender woman. While I was little, I just always enjoyed playing with dolls & playing with other little girls & I identified myself as female. My younger sister & I would play dress up & I felt totally normal wearing panties & a dress. My parents even humoured it a little bit when I was really young. It wasn't until I was about 8 or 9 until I realized I wasn't like all the other girls. I was heartbroken while I came to the realization that I was essentially born wrong. I would go on to spend most of my life hating myself, feeling guilty for secretly wanting to dress the way I felt (especially guilty when my mum would catch me), wishing for death & praying each night when I was in high school that I would go to sleep & wake up with the right body & everyone just magically acknowledging it like I had always been female outwardly. I spent most of my twenties even more confused about my sexuality. I had my first sexual encounter at 19 & I have only ever been with women, but in my second year of university I had my first crush on a boy...who was gay. It freaked me out &, after much stress & depression, I decided to drop a few hints & flirt with him. He did not even notice me, which really upset me. After that, I've never really been attracted to guys. This has me really confused, because I'm not sure what I am. I KNOW I'm a girl, but am I gay, bisexual, technically straight because I am a girl or whatever? This has been a LOT of stress & depression for me too. I finally, this week, have made a decision about my gender identity & what to do. I am definitely female. I have started wearing a brassiere every day, I have started to wear my long hair in a feminine ponytail instead of a gender-neutral one & generally trying to present my body language in a more feminine manner (walking, sitting, etc). I have also definitively decided that I need to find a therapist & start the process to fully transition to my true gender. In the last week, I have felt MUCH better about myself & I feel as if some weight has been lifted. But I still have a way to go... I live with my parents as I had to move out of my own home for financial reasons (stupid recession). It was much easier for me to be who I am when I was living alone. I was pretty lonely, but at least a little happy as I had the freedom to wear gender-appropriate clothing. The last three years at home have been especially rough & are probably responsible for my decisions now. I am terrified of how they will react when they eventually find out that I'm a girl & that I'm probably gay too... I really am hoping to find some support, advice & maybe even a little bit of love to help me through what I think is going to be a really difficult time for me... Thanx for listening, I'm happy to find you all & sorry for the long introduction! Kiersten (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
Welcome to EC! Its definitely a rough path to be in, but you are definitely not alone. We have a decent amount of members that are also in your position so feel free to ask as much as you want
Thanks so much everyone! I'm just happy that I can finally say 'I'm a girl' and everyone I say it to is supportive & empathetic. It really is a relief after 25 years to just be me. I still have a long way to go, but I definitely believe that I have to see this all the way through to the end. Hopefully, you can all be with me every step of the way!
I am sooo happy to hear that StarofMiyu! I always liked it when one of my friends would joke about being me being just one of the girls & now I feel more like I actually am one of the girls! Definitely looking forward to girl talk time with ya! ---------- Post added 30th Jun 2011 at 01:11 PM ---------- I really am starting to love it here Hemera! And so far, I've only been here a day & everyone is has been so amazing!
I think I'm settling in here pretty well now! I feel much more comfortable actually saying who I am - a girl!!!
