I'm back!

Has it really been 18 months? Oh well! :smilewave

For those who don't know, I was one of the people that got this site up and running originally (see here), and I'm delighted to see it is still going as strong as ever. In an ideal world of course there would be no need for it, but we still have a long way to go. I'm also pleased to see many of the same people are still in the staff room (in particular Martin), as it gives good continuity and stability to the site.

I'm not sure why I disappeared really. Probably a combination of things. There was quite a lot going on in my own life and also it was not long after the drama and security changes here. A bit of burn-out and stress...

Anyway here is brief biography and update as I don't expect anyone to remember much and some of you don't know who I am at all!

I am now 46 (47 later this month). I knew I was gay when I was in my teens but didn't do much about it until my mid 20s. I was still living with my parents in south Hampshire at the time because I couldn't afford to move away and they would not have coped with it while I was living there.

I was offered work in Hereford by some people I'd worked with previously, who were setting up a company there. I didn't care where it was, it could have been anywhere, as long as it wasn't near my family. I could afford to live there, and I knew it was the break I needed to be myself and deal with being gay etc.

About 18 months later I met my now-ex partner through an advert in Gay Times magazine. He was 5 years younger and had also come out fairly recently.

In due course he moved in and we were together for 16 years, although with hindsight I should have ended it up sooner. When we got to the 10 year point I knew we wouldn't make 20 years. We gradually drifted apart as we got older, different interests, different friends etc. Conversation was little more than the necessities (what time we'll be home, when are we doing the food shopping, etc) and we often slept in different rooms. It ended amicably though, and we are still in contact with other, though not close friends.

Things got a bit messy then. About 3 months after we separated I met a guy 21 years younger at the local gay pub. He had lost his job and was in arrears on his rent. In due course he moved in as a lodger, claiming jobseekers allowance and housing benefit. There was always the hint that there could be more, and I certainly would have liked there to be a lot more. Yes he took advantage of the situation, yes it cost me quite a lot of money, and no I didn't even get any sex. He only worked for 3 months, the rest of the time he was on the benefits and I didn't see much of the money. He clearly had issues (self confidence, possibly rough childhood) though with the inconsistencies of what he told me, his sister, mutual friends etc, I still don't really know what was going on in his head. He seemed to think the world owed him a living and a life.

He started trying to push his luck to irritate me (getting home late and making a lot of noise, staying in bed all day, criticising me and my friends etc) and would then back off and be charming, then it would repeat... In the end I threw him out and cut all contact. I believe he is now in a YMCA homeless hostel.

That was towards the end of last year. Meanwhile in Hereford the last gay venue had closed and there was no sign of anything else happening. A local group were trying to start a monthly LGBT social but attendance was poor.

I felt I needed a change and a move to somewhere new, where there was more going on for gay people, where I could have a social life, make gay friends and hopefully even meet that special someone. My father had died a few years before and my mum who is now in her mid 70s and the years are starting to catch up with her. So I also wanted to be closer to her and the rest of my family, but also far enough away that I could have my own life.

After some research and several visits I settled on Bournemouth, and moved here two months ago. There are five gay clubs/pubs (plus shops and saunas etc) with a good mixed friendly clientèle, and it's under an hour's drive to my family. I am a self employed website designer working from home so I had no work issues with the move (I can work anywhere with a decent internet connection). It's still early days, but it was definitely the right decision.

So that's where I am now. Here's to the future!! :icon_bigg

PS: Duke, the cat in my avatar, is still with me too.

 

Hmm, I kinda recognise you too!

 

Thank you all!