My name is Katie and I think I may be bisexual/lesbian. I am 21 years old and have never been in a relationship because I have been scared. Since I was 14, I remember wondering every day if I was gay and what my family would think about it. My mother has made it clear that she will love me no matter what, but the unconcious fear of losing her or anyone terrifys me to core. Both sides of my family are very homophobic and at nearly every family gathering the F****t word floats around. My granparents and family members are so proud of me considering I'd always had good grades and I'm persuing my passion. I don't want to disappoint them. I know its hard to decide what I am since I've never been in a relationship, but I think I must be at the very least bisexual. I find women much more attractive than I assume I should, and men less attractive than most of my friends. Only one of my friends knows and he, being gay himself, has been pressuring me to leave the closet. He's even told a guy I just met and I wanted to physically punch him. There was no relief from this guy knowing, only shame. I don't think I'm ready to come out in my real life just yet, but I think I should start trying to accept myself first. Even now, I'm crying as I type this because I'm so scared and ashamed. The trigger that actually made me decide to come here was this video: [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeZiF_BJ3ss&feature=feedf[/YOUTUBE] I didn't think it would touch me easily but I bawled. I felt like they were talking exactly to me. And I've realized, I will probably be a lot more happier once I take this step. I just hope you all help me build the strength to get there.
Welcome hun <3 Im Mercy I just turned 22 and im a lesbian if you need advice please message me about any thing
Hi Katie, welcome to EC! (*hug*) I know how you feel, I came out to my mum & it didn't go well, so now I'm moving out (my choice not theirs). My mum even oouted me to my dad even after I asked her not to, so I can relate about people not being able to be trusted with who I am. Your friend, being gay, should have more respect for you, I think, & it was extremely disrespectful for him to tell someone else. The fact that he thinks you should come out of the closet is not his decision, it's yours & if he can't accept that, well, that's tough. And you certainly shouldnt be made to feel shame for who you are. You are you, and no one should make you feel like that's not good enough or that you need to change. I'm so glad that you found us all here at EC, I know EC has been hugely helpful for me, so I hope it will be for you as well. (&&&) If you ever need to talk, we're all here for you, myself included! (*hug*)
