My title is newbie, so a first post is called for...

Hello all. :smilewave I found this site a couple days ago. I've been in a bad place emotionally & I was searching for hotline #'s & somehow stumbled here.

I was relieved to find something online, the idea of calling a hotline was too scary for me... anyway, I was up all night reading the support section here & it seems a great place. I'm a bit overwhelmed at the idea of joining, but figured starting out saying hello here was an OK place to start... of course, I'm a bit nervous even about making a first post, so I'm sorry for rambling.

What to say as an intro...? I'm in my mid-20's. A year ago, I had to move from a city I loved, moved back to the midwest of the US in a town I hate. (With the added bonus of a terrible & homophobic father that hates who I am, which is helping me hate myself more than I ever had before... and more depression and... anyway...)

I miss being in a city that had an amazing queer community & now being without that, there's nowhere to meet anyone & it's like taking steps backwards, back to being more closeted & lonely... eek, I'm already complaining... :icon_redf I have work-at-home jobs right now, adding to stir-crazy feelings.

Re: labels/orientation/identity & all -- I'm a cisgendered female. I like to play with my look & go from femme to butch to everything in-between, though I'm generally on the femme side of the spectrum.

I feel most comfortable identifying as queer or pansexual. (I find some people offline don't seem to "get" those labels, so bisexual works OK enough I guess, too.) I find myself a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale, but sometimes lately realizing or questioning if I'm actually more of a 6... I'm mostly attracted to/experienced with women, as well as with transgendered & genderqueer folks.

I'm very single right now, but I guess the "more closeted now & lonely" rant might have given that away... The whole relationship thing opens up a whole other post/ramble, so...

Re: Out status, when I lived in the city, I was completely out to absolutely everyone back there, friends, coworkers, etc. I dated & had a couple amazing relationships. I came out to my parents long ago. (My Mother is wonderful & amazing about it all. But as I said with my father... not good at all on that side of it.)

I still need to officially come out to the rest of my family... the friends in this stupid town I'm in now... I came out to one and it seems to have ended the friendship. :icon_sad: I have with a few others, and it's been OK so far with those. The friend I care about most in this town I haven't even met up again with due to the anxiety of... anyway, when it comes to random people here I try not to care what they think of me, although at times that hasn't felt like the safest attitude to take here, so...

Random trivia about me beyond the above? I love all of the arts, both as a participant & spectator, lol. Performance art, writing, music, photography... the list goes on. I dig the sort of "NYC underground scene" of performance art/cabaret/music/theater/drag the most. I really miss that & wish I could find something like it in the middle o' nowhere.

Besides the arts, I also like lots of geeky/nerdy things. I can get obsessive with certain movies & TV shows. It totally made me :icon_mrgr to see all the Whedon TV show options in the default avatar section! (& My username is a reference to 2 characters from the show "Dollhouse.")

I'm just getting into reading comics/graphic novels. I also enjoy video games, RPG's, and I never turn down a game of Scrabble! I love reading... pretty much any book I can get my hands on. (Right now I'm loving Patti Smith's "Just Kids.") I also try to make constant learning a goal & enjoy finding things to just research--for fun!

I'm not quite comfortable using my real first name yet, but I know that my username is a long one to type! So feel free to abbreviate or call me whatever... "Caroline," "C.B," "Arty Geeky Person," "Hey you with the Eliza Dushku crush," ha, whatever works. :icon_razz

I guess when I'm nervous I go on & on, I'm sorry this is so long & I hope that's OK. I've read all the rules & stickies & hope I'm doing things right here.

I have had lots of experience with coming out and such & would really like to be able to help others here if I can. But I'm afraid I'm in too much of a depressive state & might not be able to yet, I might need/want to try to talk/post things out for support for a while. Is that OK? Is it OK to just jump in? Or to ask for help/advice before even posting or helping much? Or is it OK to jump in with responses to others seeking support, even as a newbie?

Sorry again for the length. If you've read this far, thank you. I'll try to not post so much or such long posts! :icon_redf

 

Victor, Nazo, Gerry, silverhalo, kiersten & thecat06 --

Thank you so much for the quick replies & welcomes! I especially appreciated the advice, reassurance & all that jazz about posting. Thanks for being awesome & welcoming, even after my big wall of text, LOL. Everyone seems great & I look forward to reading/posting & getting to know y'all. I'm a bit out of sorts at the moment so I might be in a "read only" mode on & off or go back to rambling away, but I'm getting the sense that either of those things is OK here...

Thanks again, I truly appreciate the responses! *insert group hug smiley here*

 

Now that I've realized where the smilies are, a proper group hug -- (&&&)

Y'all are awesome & I'm so glad to have found this site. It can be hard to find such an understanding & supportive space online, but methinks I've found one here. Thanks again for the welcome! (Now, to get up the courage to post elsewhere on the threads/forums, lol! :icon_redf )