okay, i'm Luna, i'm 18ish, and I was straight until about 24 hours ago. I have only dated one person in my life and that is my best friend Ian. We've been friends seance high school and started to date about a year and a half ago. We are kind of in a long distance relationship, but we're only 200 miles apart. it's more annoying than true long distance relationship. Well, I've known ever sence we met, He told me he wanted a gander change. I told him i was perfectly fine with it, and I am. I'm just a little scared, just as he is, about the change and it affecting his personality. I dont want to lose my lover in HRT. So if anyone has been through or had a love one go through HRT for MtF, i'd love to hear your stories. It would help alot =] Luna
Hi Luna! Welcome to EC! (*hug*) It is a real concern you do have here, since HRT can decrease the sex drive in a male person. I know I have a few friends currently on HRT that are going thru that exact issue now. The best thing you can both do is be open & honest with each other & face each problem together. Don't be afraid to seek out information together as well, or independently, but make sure when you speak with people or are on the internet, that you are getting good info. Sometimes, especially for transgender people, there is bad info & help out there, so just be careful. I just came out at the end of June, so I won't pretend to have all the answers, but I will help if I can! We have a few other members here too that know a bit, so don't be afraid to ask questions. If we can help or point you in the right direction, we will! (*hug*) Once again, welcome to EC, we're are so happy you found us! (&&&)
Welcome to EC! It's incredible that you are being so accepting already of this news, and I'm so glad you have found EC as it will be a great support for you throughout all of this.
Hi Luna. I'm not exactly 18 anymore, but I have been on HRT for almost a year and my ex wife would happily tell you that I have gone through a good deal of changes already. One of the very first things that went for me was my sex-drive, although I have many friends who have had quite the opposite effect. It all depends on how each of us reacts to the hormones. I am told that in time, that does return.. as we must re-learn sexuality during our second puberty. Personality-wise, you have nothing to fear. The hormones may cause Ian to seem to change, but really this is just his/her true self revealing itself. If you are kind and loving before hormones, you will be so afterwards, and so on. You also have to remember that for many of us, life has not exactly been easy and when finally given that chance to live as we truly are, it can be quite intoxicating. I've been accused of being very selfish at times, seeming to think only of myself. This is not something uncommon for a M2F to experience. If you and Ian are close, you will remain so through his/her transition. Just keep in mind that you have had 8+ years to go through puberty, where as we must adjust to most of the same physiological changes over a far shorter period. That kind of change tends to be very stressful. One of the biggest changes Ian will go through is the natural rewiring of his/her brain chemistry. This will cause Ian to be very emotional as a flood of new inputs begin to occur. I started to see very early on that my very way of thinking changes in very drastic ways, which were sometimes very distressing. I won't kid you.. the first few times I started looking at men as potential mates rather than as equals, it was upsetting. As men, we are trained to avoid that kind of thing.. lest we be seen as "gay" or some other BS. Ian is also going to become very self-conscious about his/her appearance, especially at first. This is also very natural, but takes some getting used to. I tend to obsess over my appearance to the point where I have to avoid mirrors.. As I did, Ian will face these and so many other mental er.. adjustments. Any understanding and support you can provide will make that process so much easier to cope with. I've also had had to cope with alot of physical changes, like the sore breasts, loss of muscle tone, and sudden drastic fat shifting.. it can all be very overwhelming. Add in the natural instability that being exposed to high doses of hormones for the first time can cause.. and you're going to be very unstable until things settle out. I recommend that you do your best to support Ian on this journey, and try to be as open as possible about what you are seeing and how it makes you feel. I found that opening up to my partner did alot for both of us, and allowed me to make adjustments I would not otherwise have known were needed.
I've known two couples that have gone through this, and at least with them, the partner that was not transitioning has the most problems with people's reactions to her. In one case her partner was MtF and all these people told her she was now a lesbian. She said she was still attracted to the same person, still married to the same person, and as far as she was concerned, it had nothing to do with if that person was a man or a woman. In the other case i had a friend that was transitioning FtM and his girlfriend's mother asked her if she "had stopped being a lesbian" - odd twist of fate, my friend's transition went so well that people at the local GLBT place have started rejecting them because "they look like a normal couple" and they are now members at a fairly conservative church that doesn't know that he's trans. All of that to say, if your relationship with Ian is strong, you should be fine, but you may have very interesting reactions from family and friends.