My Obligatory Introduction

Hello EC, I'm of course Kathy. I'm still kind of feeling my way around the site, and trying to decide if it's worth sticking around. A little more about myself you ask? Sure, why not...

I'm thirty-something (I actually stopped counting some time ago, so if you want an actual number you're going to have to divert your eyes over to the thingy over to the left of this post). I came out to my parents in 1979 (I was five) with the news that I was actually a girl, which didn't go over very well at all. They were nice enough to treat me to an endless stream of therapists who were all at a loss to explain what was wrong with me. So, they advised my parents to "fix me". How in the hell I managed to survive the near constant beatings over the next decade.. I still don't know.

I grew up in the age before the World Wide Web (although I did have access to the seedy side of the Internet by my senior year of High School) and spent most of my childhood trying to figure out what was wrong with me and often wondered if I was alone. The only other trans* individuals I ever saw were on talk shows, where they were always treated like freaks of nature worth mocking. There was no "It Gets Better" or community back then, and I am sure I was not the only one who regularly wished it would all just end. By past count, I have attempted suicide four times (and thankfully I have sucked at it).

The first time I met another transsexual in person was in 2005, while I was stationed in Europe with the US Navy. After many talks long into the night, things started to fall into place for me. Still, I feared a life in hiding. When I returned home, I got married to a wonderful woman I'd met online back in High School and we had two children together.

For a while, that feeling of being disjointed did go away.. but it's never gone for good, is it? After many months of struggling at home (intimacy with my wife became impossible) and at work (downsizing forced those of us left behind to pick up massive amounts of slack), the realization that I'd reached that "benchmark" I set as a child for when I was finally "old" and then getting laid off on my birthday. I suffered a nervous breakdown. While in therapy, the whole transsexualism thing came right to the surface and I was forced to finally face all the hell I'd put myself through over the years because of it.

In March 2010 I started coming out to everyone I knew, starting with my family.. then friends.. and by the end of last year, everyone knew. I went f/t last summer and started hormones last Thanksgiving. My wife and I separated on my spouse on my birthday this year, although we do still live together with our children. She's since started dating, having decided becoming a lesbian was not for her.

I currently belong to several support groups, including one that regular speaks at colleges, hospitals, and the like in hopes that we can show others that being transsexual is nothing to fear or ridicule. as I'm sure you can tell.. I'm very outgoing and most of my friends joke about how chatty I am. What can I say, after living in the dark for a few decades.. I have a lot to say.