Hi, everyone. I just joined today. From what I've read this is a great site! As my name and the title of this thread suggests, I'm 55 years old. I've reached a point in my life (don't ask why it's taken so long) to live as honest a life as a straight person gets to - which I've been pretending to be since I can remember. In 1970's Iowa, many people married right out of high school. I was two years into college, and at age 20 married my 19 year-old wife. We were Catholic virgins so I had no experiences to compare to - I was just thrilled to be having sex! Over the years I came to realize that just having sex wasn't enough, I wanted sex with men and, unfortunately, it turned into many years of bookstore, anonymous sex. I became hooked (possibly addicted). Talk about guilt and stress! As a Catholic, divorce didn't seem like an option. With children too, there was never a right time to come clean. And why should I, I was getting away with it - until 2 1/2 years ago when my wife came home from a doctor's appointment with news of an infection that could only come from one activity. We went to counseling. I claimed bisexuality and have been faithful in body, but not in spirit, since then. My outlet became the Internet. Anyway, I'm here to say that with the help of a married gay couple I was put in contact with, the books I've been directed to, and the support I hope to receive from this community, I plan to become an honest man. I want to spend the remainder of my life finally being who I was meant to be. I'm not looking forward to facing my three adult children, or the redneck brood of a family I have and married into, or my co-workers, but at this point I figure I have just as much of a right to be who I am as they get to without question, guilt, or remorse. I hope to keep all of them, I expect to lose some of them, but I'm prepared to lose all of them. It's time!
Congrats!! It sounds like you have come a long way!! Hello and Welcome!! I know that there are a ton of people that can help you here!!
First off, welcome to EC. Wow, I'm really glad to hear you're being honest with yourself and have come to terms with accepting who you truly are. I wish you the best of luck during your coming our process. If you ever need to, feel free to message me or any of the EC staff here for support. There are members here who went through the same thing you are going through, so I'm sure they'll be able to give you some advice. Good luck with your coming out process.
Hi and welcome to EC First thing, congratulations for coming out to yourself. It's great that after years of struggles, you finally came to term with your sexuality. I have a lot of admiration for people like you who decide to come out and be who they really are after struggling through years and been engaged in a straight relationship. It's definitely not an easy situation to deal with and it takes a great deal of courage to face that. I hope that you'll find all the help and support you'll need on EC. There are several members here who are of have been through the same kind of experience. I'm sure they're going to give you helpful advice. Take care, Cécile
Hi, and welcome to EC. It's great that you're taking the steps you are. And perhaps it's helpful to know that there are others here who didn't come out until much later than life. One of my friends here in Sacramento didn't come out until he was 68, but is happier than he's ever been. If you haven't already, get Joe Kort's "Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love". Available used on Bookfinder, or the large print edition on Amazon (regular edition is out of print). It's an amazing book that has little to do with finding real love and everything to do with understanding yourself and working through your issues, and has several excellent chapters on coming out later in life, dealing with wives and family, and other aspects that I think you'll find helpful. And if you haven't already, I think you'll find EC to be an amazing resource to help you through this journey and to understand yourself.
Thanks for all the great messages! I could tell this was a wonderful site from reading just a few posts. You give me courage! :icon_bigg Today I had a session with the counselor my wife and I had been seeing over the part couple years. It was just a session for me. I told her that I'm finally admitting that I'm gay. She was very helpful. We spent the session talking about what to expect. I guess she's the first person I'm out to - woohoo! Let me add a little to my story. I'm a public school teacher so that adds a whole new level complexity. I know I don't have to come out to everyone all at once. My sexuality should really just be between me and the one I'm involved with. It's so sad that being gay seems to be everybody's business. Coming out may have to wait until the end of the school year - we'll see. At this point I don't want to be a hero or a martyr, just finally myself.
Welcome to EC, and congratulations on coming out to yourself (the big step!) and to someone else now. I'm a teacher too and yes, that does get a bit complicated. I wouldn't worry about it as an indicator of your level of self-comfort or outness or whatever for now - focus on the permanent people in your life, students are just a temporary professional thing. Hope we hear more from you on here!
