Hello Firstly, just writing this is a huge thing for me to do so please bear with me. Secondly, to cut a very long story short, I am married with two grown up children (one at university living away from home, one at college living at home) and after years of denial and distorting my experiences, I think I am gay. I certainly do not feel straight. I have been in touch (via phone) with Lesbian and Gay Foundation (LGF) somewhere in England and told them all this (and a lot of other details which I can't say here) and am having a face-to-face with them next week (sometime during week beginning 7th Nov) I don't want to go into too much detail but I remember having crushes on girls at school and later in adulthood (even after I was married) but denied them to myself or put it down to 'having a gay side.' Although I don't hate men I can't really remember having crushes on men or feeling romantic towards them. At the age of 18 I read a Christian booklet aimed at young girls which said that it is possible to have crushes on your female friends but that these crushes will disappear when you find the right man and then those crushes will be for your husband. What a load of crap! Because of that booklet, I got married back in the eighties because I thought it was the right thing to do and the man I married seemed like the perfect husband. I did and I do still love him but realise it is not in a romantic way; it is not a romantic love. This has been the confusing thing for me because I thought that it was right to marry him because I loved him. I now realise that it is a kind of brotherly love, not a romantic love. Please can you tell me if there are other women like me and if so how can I talk to them or contact them. I am scared stiff of telling my husband because i know it will almost destroy him. I am also scared of the consequences (the thought of splitting up and the effects on my kids literally terrifies me). The LGF say that I should do one thing at a time and the first thing to do is to have a face-to-face with them next week before telling my husband. So that is what I am going to do. If there are any women with similar stories please reply. Ellfan
First off welcome to EC, you have come to a great place you will find lots of help and support here. I dont have a similar story to you but I know there are both men and women on this site that have and I know they will share their experiences with you and offer advice.
Welcome to EC! The only thing I'd say at this point is that you just need to be honest with yourself and with others. You've already started that by coming here, so congratulations on that step. You might want to start by talking to a professional (therapist, counselor, etc) who can walk you through things more personally. Can't say I know anyone in your situation, but I'll gladly listen to whatever more you want to share!
Welcome to EC! As Gravity's already mentioned, just try and be honest with yourself and others. Be sensitive to what your gut's telling you, but don't be too rash. Hope this helps. I hope it works out for you.
