Victory!

The reason I say victory is because I finally figured out how to post a new thread! It's pure luck I even figured it out. Well anyways...

Hello lovely people, you may call me Ld. I am lesbian. I have just recently accpeted this fact To say I'm happy about this is an understatement. I've been searching for months of ways to get rid of the way I feel for the sake of my family. I had resorted to rejecting this part of me and getting in relationships with boys in hopes of "getting rid of the gay." Pathetic maybe, but I don't regret it in a way. If I didn't do it, I know I would have continued to question my sureness of my sexuality. But I'm free now so...Victory!

I am the middle child of 5. Also the only girl. My younger brothers and I don't really know the older ones because of circumstances. For a while I thought that's why I liked girls; I'm surrounded boys. But it was jus an excuse to reject and deny a part of me that can't be helped.

Grammar and spelling...important to me. It may have to do with me being a writer. Not professionally, but I write stories that I post on a different site. So I try to always make sure I write everything up just right. It's come to be an obsession... Granted, I will not correct others UNLESS they ask. It only bothers me when something of mine is wrong...especially when I re-read about 5 times.

As that little coming out thing says, only one friend knows. I did come out to my parents, but I booked it back to the closet by saying that it was a phase and that it was over. Can you say Pinocchio :eusa_liar ? That was a big mistake, but it happened...and I don't plan on fixing it anytime soon. If I do, it will be in February when my older brother comes to visit with his wife. And even then...force will be required.

Music is a big part of my life. Listen, play, sing. That's what I do. Listening is pretty much constant. Playing is a work in prrogress. Singing is a bit of a secret. Shh! It helped me through a lot of difficult parts of my life. Just like it has done for many others. So Music is a very close friend.

My friend who knows is a very complicated situation. Let's call him Puppy. That's my nickname for him :icon_bigg . He only knows because he told me he liked me :icon_sad: . So after a few weeks, I told him that I was lesbian...he was upset and angry. More so than he let on. You can get more information on that in my blog (which is a pretty lame one). But he's supportive in a way... He doesn't dislike me now, so that's a good sign . He doesn't like the way I described my mom's view on homosexuality and what not...

Speaking of mommy... I love her. But she hurts me without really knowing it...she thought she was helping when she said that I need to ignore it because it was a phase. She pretty much thought I was trying to find something wrong with me. Which really hurt... There's nothing wrong with me. I'm into girls only, so what? It wasn't a choice, it was just something that's been with me for a long time. But no matter what she's done, no matter what she's said, I still love her and will do almost anything to please her. Only almost because rejecting this part of me is no longer an option.

I am not happy with being lesbian. I'm ok with it. For me to be happy about it, I'd have to get my family gathered, look them all in the eye (obviously not all at once, but one by one), and proudly, but nervously say, "I'm lesbian. Love me or hate me, but it will not change a thing." Not that I'll say it just like that, but the point is that I will be happy being lesbian once I've come out to my (whole) family.

But that's it...I really look forward to being on this site pretty regularly. Thanks for bothering to read, bye for now :smilewave

-Ld​

 

Whoa 0.0 didn't expect any replies! Thanks everyone, really looking forward to being on here, it seems like a good place to to come to