So I am new to all of this, being gay, being bi, being straight. And I am scared, Im having a tough time living my life. It seems to me that the only thing "gay" in my life is the fact that I like guys and girls. I love sports, and Jordan Sneakers lol, I am not trying to be mean or ignorant, but I dont wanna run around waving a rainbow flag, or quoting lines from the movie "The Notebook". I guess in my perfect world, I would find someone who is similar to me, lives a 100% straight life style, but likes guys. I have fallen in love with my best friend now twice. The first time I had a best friend I fell for him and he ended up switching schools( the reason he switched had nothing to do with me) and I had never told him how I felt about him because I knew he was straight and didnt feel the same for me. That was last year, and I went through some terrible depression because of all that. Now to this year I have a new best friend, probably the best one any person could ask for, he cares for me, always has my back, and would be the perfect fit for me, but I dont think he is gay either. I dont know if this was the right place to post all of this, and I apologize if its not. But i dont know how to overcome this depression and how to truely be happy. I want to keep living my life the way it is now, but I would love to have the one guy I described above as well. Im open to suggestions lol.
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets! Glad you have decided to join the site! It is perfectly normal and alright to be scared, confused and unsure as to what the future holds and how it will all unfold. Everyone is different. Some like to go to pride parades, walk in them and make a statement, or making sure that everyone around knows that they are gay, while others, are rather more quiet and don't feel the need to display their sexual orientation. Crushes on best friends, and others, happen, and they can be dealt with. Sometimes, it is a matter of knowing when to stop and to try moving on as best as one can. Our wants and desires sometimes are expressed through different outlets, one of them being forming crushes on friends because they give us something we are hoping to have one day or are looking for. If you feel depressed, there are most likely other underlying issues that are causing you to feel the way you do. If you haven't done so yet, try talking to someone, such as a counselor or a therapist. Talking about your feelings and thoughts can help you in moving forward. Have you given it some thought as to whether you would be up for joining a LGBT support/social group? Being part of a LGBT support/social group could allow you not only to become more comfortable with yourself, but it would also give you an opportunity to build up your support network, and get to know a wider circle of people. Welcome aboard! Hope you will enjoy your visits!