it started 42 years ago. hope this does not offend any one. at 15 i was in a shower room after pe with a bunch of naked guys, i was hooked. i denied that i could be gay, looking back i knew that was a lie even then. i have never had a relationship with a woman other than pultonic, "safe date" type thing to assure i was not made. now at 57 i am out to 3 people, other than those in cyber space, my brother, my sister and 1 like minded friend i regret coming out to or being caught with gay porn by. he is a nice enough guy; but too much in need. he would have sex every day if i allowed it and i am not that attarcted to him. my real delima is my sex drive. i am 57 years old and want to have sex like i was 18. i am obsessed with cock. i could elaborate but i fear violating terms of use.:bang:
Yes... it's best not to get into more specifics here - we try to keep it appropriate for ages 13 and up. Having said that, welcome to EC! Whether you're 13 or 57 you're welcome here and I'm sure you'll sense that. If you've just recently come to terms with being gay then it's quite natural for you to have an overactive sex drive. I came out in my mid 30s, and other men who have come out later in life all agree that there's a rush of emotions (like we've opened a floodgate) that we assume is what we should have been feeling in our teens but instead we repressed. And yes, it's natural for you to want to relive your teen years - as there's bound to be some regret about perhaps 'wasting' them. Hopefully you're reasured instead of disappointed to hear that these feelings will pass and you'll once again feel more 'normal'. It might be a new and better 'normal' - as my experience has been that I feel better now than I've ever felt. (I was out for lunch with my department and the conversation got onto what age everyone would like to go back to if they could. My honest answer was that where I'm at right now is the best I've ever felt - and I'm almost 41. I wouldn't want to go back - because I wasn't being true to myself or anyone else around me up until a few years ago.) If and when you do meet someone you are attracted to, be warned that you're going to fall for them like a ton of bricks. That first crush after coming out to yourself is often huge - again - as irrational as us 'old people' interpret young teens to be with their first crush. It's really really powerful, and can cause you to do some pretty dumb things. I've 'been there, done that' so I know. So continue to share here (within some limits) and get some of this off your chest. Again - welcome!
Jim, it's interesting what you wrote in the last paragraph. At 34, I'm just now accepting being gay and it does seem like a flood of emotions tinged with a slight regret that I didn't tap into these emotions while I was in high school. The first crush is something I view with very mixed feelings. I'm excited to finally allow myself that first crush, but I also don't want to, as you say, do some pretty dumb things. I'd like to think I'm strong enough not to fall for the first guy I crush on and throw away my morals and values in pursuit of unrequited desires like long-term relationships or marriage. Regardless, I still look forward to it. I also look forward to the day I stop focusing so intensely on being a gay man and I can go back to just being me, who happens to be gay. It's weird, but there you have it. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this boat, despite that irrational fear that you're the only one in this situation despite a global population of seven billion people.
Jim - I have to agree with you. I came to accept myself in my late 30's (now 40) and have never been happy, or in better shape (both physical and mental) at any point my life. And to the OP - totally agree with Jim about opening the flood gates!
Hi, and welcome! First, there are lots and lots of people in the same boat you are, and quite a few here on EC as well. I think Jim's really said most of what needs to be said. I'll only add that I know several people older than you are, including one who came out in his very late 60s and is now in his mid-70s and totally enjoying life. And I can completely understand how you'd feel all of the sexual urges coming up... that's a natural part of letting the "real you" out. There are plenty of guys around your age who are gay and in the same position, so it's basically a matter of finding places to meet them -- you probably won't find them in the bars and clubs -- and cultivating friendships or even just "friends-with-benefits" relationships with them. I hope you'll stick around EC because it can be a great place to talk about your feelings and share what's going on in your life, and I think you'll find that very helpful as you learn to adjust to and understand "the new you"
Welcome to the "Late Bloomers Club!" I am still in the beginning stages of opening up and I am 60. I think you will feel at home here and make a few good friends. Hey Jim, for the record I can't wait for that first crush. I want to feel 18 again and be as driven as our new friend is.
Welcome, WHHS! I'm one of the late bloomers here at EC and I know exactly what you mean. I'm 56 now and, after being married for 35 years, finalized my divorce only last Monday. One of my biggest fears is that once I move into my own place in a few weeks, that I'll revert back to my "bad old days" and go crazy looking for men to hook up with. Having been through a few years of counseling now, I feel pretty confident that I'll be able to look for "the one" and not fall into that routine. Anyway, welcome! Feel free to friend me if you want to be able to communicate with someone with similar life experience. There are a few here that I've been able to connect with who are going through various stages of this journey. (&&&) 55bna
