I'm a 46 year old man and feeling a bit of an orientation panic. I've lived my life as a heterosexual, but I don't think I really am. I think I'm bi-sexual, or possibly gay and I guess I need help determining who and what I am. People in their 40's and especially men struggling with the same thing I am - please reply to this post. No offense to the younger folks out here, I'm just thinking it's probably better for me to talk this out with folks who know my era. Anyone have the courage to try and tackle this dilemma with me ??
Hi there, and welcome to EC! Glad you have joined the site. You have come to the right place. There are a few 'older' members who have come out recently, and who might be able to provide you with some feedback. Maybe try posting in the Support and Advice section with any questions or thoughts that you might have. That said, the process of trying to figure your feelings and attractions out is pretty much the same, regardless what age you are. Sure, other variables will come into play as you are older and perhaps are in a heterosexual relationship, etc... but first and foremost you need to figure things out for yourself. One way to do that is to take note as to what happens inside of you. When you walk down the street, do you check our women or men, or both? Do you see yourself with men, or with women, or both? What are your fantasies? One important thing to keep in mind is, is to take it day by day, and also to try to get some information that will help you to put your feelings/thoughts into context. Additionally, it is quite common for people who are questioning their sexual orientation to speak with a counselor or therapist, who can guide them through their feelings. There are of course LGBT support groups (some are specifically for men) that you might want to consider. Talking with someone who has gone through a similar experience, in person, can actually be quite helpful. Welcome aboard! Don't be shy to create threads or post, and ask away.
Hi thereafter welcome to EC! I'm one of those people who came out a little later in life. I was in my mid 30s and I was married with two children when I. And to terms with my orientation. It was scary for sure - and very disruptive for my family. (an understatement for sure!) But I've come through it and so can you. Are you married? Don't feel that you have to 'try it' in order to be sure that you're into guys. That isn't required and would be very damaging to your relationship and ultimately your own self respect. Instead I would recommend finding a therapist to talk to about what you're thinking and feeling. That ultimately is what was most helpful for me. That. And participating here. We're a pretty great bunch and it helped me see that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay - and nothing about being gay should stand in the way of me living a full and authentic life. I'm now coming up on 41 and life is better than it has ever been. I'm remarried to an awesome guy, I have a great relationship with my ex and my kids, I'm out to everyone and everyone has been accepting and supportive. So stick around. We can help. You're not alone.
Hi Jim, Thanks for the welcome and for the advise. Your message does give me hope that I will be able to face my curiosity and also to find the truth. I think, unltimately, the truth is what every human searches for in life. My first step was actually admitting to myself that I don't really know what my sexual orientation is, which is why I created an account here at EC. I keep reading your message and I can't imagine what you went through coming out, especially being married with children at the time. I'm not in that situation at all. I do not have children, have been married and divorced 4 times, and currently live with a woman who is truly my best friend. One would think my situation would be easier in terms of deciding who I am and coming out, but when I think of moving forward I feel such anxiety and stress. I'm glad for you that you were able to find the truth about yourself and that you're now happily married. I appreciate your advise about seeing a therapist and I think I'll be able to bring myself to do that soon. I guess one of my biggest hurdles is actually talking about my feelings...with ANYONE! I live in a area that is not very forward thinking about LBGT folks and it scares the hell out of me. I have seen a therapist in the recent past for a different reason (help for quitting smoking), but decided to stop seeing him a few weeks ago. Having said that, it would make it easier for me to just start seeing him again and easing into this questioning I have. I don't want to take too much of your time, but certainly wanted to thank you for replying and providing sound advise. Another member replied and relayed something that did make me sit up and take notice - he told me that only I can ultimately come to the truth with my sexuality. Such sound common sense, but something I didn't even think about. I know there's noone here that can do the work for me and tell me what I am! Thanks again Jim and I hope we have the chance to chat again. FBXL5 (I can't even type my real name because of my paranoia of being revealed!) Sad, isn't it? Take care.
Welcome to EC! I took "came the party late in life" - in my late 30's. While I wasn't married, I was still very much leading a straight live. I feel that the fear and paranoia are the worst part of this!!! Feel free to ask any questions, this board has a great group of people.
Hey :smilewave I can't contribute in the sense of coming out later in life, but if you do want to talk about anything I'm happy to be an ear anyway welcome
fbxl5! What an interesting name! I am here for you friend, and I'm not the only one. Jim is right, there are plenty of us here. I'm sure you'll hear from some of the friends I've made on this site in the past few months. Feel free to friend me! I am 56 now and was married for 35 years before coming out to my wife in November and to many others in the past 2 months. I did it the bad way, sneaking around for anonymous sex in book stores for years and having my loving and trusting wife find out following a visit to the doctor. Three years of hell and counseling later, here I am; ready to move on to the life I should have been brave enough to live all this time. My wife, with counseling, has accepted me for who I am and our divorce was very amicable. Our three adult childeren are struggling, but supportive. Anyway, you've come to the right place! Read our threads and posts, ask your questions, and let us help you on your path! (&&&) 55bna
Hi and welcome, Sorry I am late with my welcome but it is sincere. You are in a good place to start discovering who you are. Hang in there and you will make great friends that will be very supportive no matter what you are feeling. ---------- Post added 7th Mar 2012 at 10:17 AM ---------- By the way I am 60 and just started to be honest with myself so you are still ahead of the curve as far as I am concerned. Clay
