I have a couple of gay friends who're kind enough to let me benefit from their wisdom and experience. I suppose I'm simply interested in expanding my resources. I'm sort of "out," in the sense that I've spoken with a friend or two, as well as to the one family member I was concerned about. On the other hand, I don't broadcast it: e.g., Facebook status doesn't indicate that I'm "interested in" guys. Although I've never thought I had any stereotypical "gay" mannerisms, it has been brought to my attention that I do set off some people's gaydar. What it is that tips them off, I have no idea--although a friend recently observed that 1) being in shape, 2) not looking dreadfully old, and 3) not having a wedding ring do combine to raise suspicions. Have never been in a "relationship" and so am lacking in experience in that area and frankly have little idea what to expect. And while I'm here, I'll go by Rick.
Welcome, Rick! I'm sure you'll find this place to be a friendly and helpful community. So what do you see as your biggest challenges? Are you focused on being more open, or more comfortable with yourself, or are there other issues? Or just hanging out and reading and sharing? Any of the above are fine, just thought from your initial post that you might have some specific issues you wanted to address.
its ok ive been told since coming out that random people who were friends with my siblings and such saw me once and said i was gay and even that i didn't know it yet...which is weird somehow. the only conclusion i could dome to was that certain people can read certain people better than others.
Thanks for the welcome! And I appreciate the thoughtful comments. Being "more open and comfortable with myself" has always been something of a challenge, though I suspect the only help for that is to take advantage of opportunities to practice being sociable. Also, it seems to me that my diffidence has tended to diminish as I've gotten older. I just need to meet people of the right sort. It's funny--when I showed my true colors to a couple of my straight-as-an-arrow friends, one's response was, "ha! I knew it!" (And he's been most supportive / encouraging, and all that stuff). The other was likewise unsurprised. He and I had been gym buddies for awhile, and apparently I'm not as "rough" (or something) as guys generally are. Also, he invited me once on an outing with a gay friend of his. When he later asked his friend if he thought I was gay, the friend said, "Oh, definitely." (I have no idea...) Yet I don't lisp, I'm certainly not flamboyant and "colorful," I dress in 501s, T-shirts, and sneakers most of the time, and my musical tastes are primarily of the classical and jazz varieties. I'm fairly refined, but I don't believe I have any obvious "gay" traits. Yet some people know. Anyhow... The term "age-appropriate" has crossed my ears. I'm in the 40-something camp. I have been for a number of years. However, I tend to identify with the 30-something crowd, and most of the straight friends I've gained in the last few years have been in their late 20s or early 30s. My closest friends of several years are about a decade younger than I am. It's as though my psychological "age" is substantially less than the difference between the present and the year of my birth. However, in any setting in which one must divulge an age, my options are to lie or to allow the selection of potential "matches" to be arbitrarily filtered. This is, admittedly, a trifle frustrating. I guess I'm partly looking for some sort of reassurance that I didn't enter the game too late to do more than "settle" as an alternative to remaining alone.
There are people here on EC that have come out at the same stage of life as you are now and are happily in relationships. I dont think it is ever too late or that you should settle, its perhaps that the older you are the more settled you are in your life, eg social life, job, hobbies, circle of friends, and so I think that you tend to meet less new people and therefore less potential partners but I dont think that is a total road block it might just mean you have to make more of a concious effort to meet people or to date online or something.
Its never too late to come out. I'm 35 and just recently out and its been and will be a struggle. But, as cliche as it sounds, better late than never..
Thanks for the feedback. In saner moments, I reflect that until I actually begin to meet some guys, I have no real basis for my pessimism. I'm picky, but I'm not so picky that there's not likely to be anyone out there I'd hit it off with. And yes: better late than never. I suppose I'm fortunate in that I don't have a previously solid network that's likely to be compromised: my own attitude and acceptance is my biggest challenge. @GH: You seem to have a good decade on me, as far as emerging from the closet. May I ask what makes it a struggle for you?
